What is wrong, my soul?
My being, why faintest?
I've succumbed to desire,
but now, you're trapped in fire.
Oh, my heart, why do you weep?
My bones, why do you break?
How long have I strived,
but no joy has ever arrived.
......
Mama says I’m giving,
Daddy says I care,
Teachers always called me a delight,
I had no shortage of recommendations.
For years, I believed them,
Because the voice in my head at night couldn’t be right.
So forgive me for taking so long to realize that no matter who tells our story,
I’m still the villain.
How careful is the craft of conscience?
Which wields the sword of sorry,
That strikes the heels of discord,
And visits the home of the elusive.
Healing the rifts of former days
Respect is now paid,
As healing is sought
And time is bought.
Now, a conscience at ease
Grudges now cease.
......
Find the one thing that boils the blood in you
and let it keep you warm in the coldness of nights,
Should the passion be love,
let it not be the kind of infantile love that you seek
to save you from victim-hood,
And let not your blood boil from a buffoon's competition,
or envy,
or a hypocrisy of your detriment,
......
Even as we still feel like a feeble pawn in a chess of gluttony, yet, You made us resist the temptation of greed deeply rooted in an aroma of enticing betrayal
Events of recent months affirmed that the scorching of these black skins is an incandescent reflection of the deep dark shades of some souls
Even as Ayi Kwei Armah’s ‘Beautyful Ones Are Not Yet Born’ continues to bolster our disgust with injustice and will ultimately sharpen the ingrained desire for justness
Events of these last hours also affirmed that the cleansing of the malodourous souls are never awashed by an ocean of tears
Eventually, I pray the seeds of forgiveness sprout as Your torrent comes, as I am tired of writing the book of good in this library of evil. He will lead His people as I am indeed lost!
......
What is wrong, my soul?
My being, why faintest?
I've succumbed to desire,
but now, you're trapped in fire.
Oh, my heart, why do you weep?
My bones, why do you break?
How long have I strived,
but no joy has ever arrived.
......
At midnight, I woke up
to find you gone
I knew you must go
But I would've send you
With one last kiss
To remember me by
However, all we did last night
was fight
I didn't want you to leave
Without asking for forgiveness
......
Mama says I’m giving,
Daddy says I care,
Teachers always called me a delight,
I had no shortage of recommendations.
For years, I believed them,
Because the voice in my head at night couldn’t be right.
So forgive me for taking so long to realize that no matter who tells our story,
I’m still the villain.
I joked that I was the problem in all my past flings, saying I didn’t believe in a marriage held together by sterling rings. This was supposed to keep you at bay, so I could keep loving you from an arm's length away. We walked to the corner of Anderson and Erwin, your bike alongside us, going at a lazy spin. “I’ve been falling in love with you”, your eyes on mine, brown and blue. I’ll cherish that moment forever, even now as I am planning our sever. No one is to blame; you did nothing wrong. I just can’t keep hurting myself the same.
Growing up, Mama tried; she didn’t know when she promised me love and peace that she had lied. On her bad days, she was a force that I feared; she taught me early when to disappear. I swore to myself that I would learn to love different, that I wasn’t broken, but bent. So with you, I communicated, I learned to give the hugs that Mama had hated. I focused so much on doing everything right that I didn’t notice your need for flight. A few days, then a week, I texted, I called, you hid, and I tried to seek. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing to do with us”, and I felt silly for making a fuss.
Then you left again, leaving me a worrying mother hen. I don’t know if you also had a wire-doll of a mother, or if you’ve been overwhelmed by the drama with your brother. I don’t know how to help you from the other side of this door, but I know that you and I cannot be anymore. I need someone stable, who shows up, whose words are as trusted as a fable. I hope what you need finds you, be it a therapist or someone new. Funny how you held me for just a fraction of our lives, but I’ll remember you like bees remember hives. Warm and bright, inviting me in only to turn out the light. All I ask is when you tell me about your next love, please be curt, I don’t know if my happiness for you will outweigh my hurt.
I am a Christian, yet I wrestle daily.
Men say, "Remove what makes you fall, "
and they speak wisely.
But Oh, Lord you see me.
You see the war within me
For I delight in Your law in my inward being,
Yet another law wages war in my members.
I cannot blame my environment,
For the battlefield is my mind.
......