तुझमें शराब जैसी सहूलियत है,
और पानी सा प्यार भी।
बर्फ जैसी ठंडक भी तू,
कोयले की चिंगार भी।
पापड़ जैसी कड़क तो है तू,
गजरे का है तू हार भी।
खट्टी मीठी नमकीन जैसी,
3 पेग का खुमार भी।
ओह जिंदगी ऐसी है तू,
जो महफिलों में गुज़ार दी।
......
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As the blazing star resolves in the ocean,
The haunting echoes come out of hiding.
My trembling fingers long for the
blood-soaked glass slab to firmly
stroke my withering skin.
The slabs of my broken,
blood-soaked mirror,
sheen brighter than
......
Valentine’s Day.
She said no.
And not a nice no, a cold one.
The kind that makes the drive home feel like going to war.
Back then I lived in the basement
With a single egress window that would flood
When the downpour became a torrent.
I saw owl-gray clouds already.
Hell, the snow hadn’t even fully melted
......
We passed pens like rumors
in the bathroom,
smoke curling
into secrets we never wanted to keep.
It wasn’t rebellion,
more like trying to make the day
a little softer around the edges,
like padding a fall
we already knew was coming.
......
Outside the rain taps time,
Midnight calling, more whisky more wine.
Drowning this heartache I can`t hide,
Down the slippery slope of life I slide.
"Sober" is something I fear and dread,
Daybreak; headache, drums banging in my head.
Still dressed in my clothes but lay on my bed,
Listening to the Devil pecking at my head.
......
The things about drugs
is at first
you get high.
You never want to come down,
and then you do.
And maybe you didn’t love it at first,
but you start to chase
those 10 seconds of buoyancy,
that minute of relief,
those 10 minutes of anticipation,
......
From age 8, risky behavior was my best friend.
It started with cutting my wrists,
not for death but for the sensation.
It was like my brain took too long to register
the pain that I felt, so long that I sometimes didn’t feel it.
At age 11, I got drunk for the first time.
Felt a little silly, a little lighter. Everything made me laugh just a little harder.
At 11, I gave myself a tattoo. The burning sensation of a too dull needle
and not skin safe ink made me feel
ALIVE.
......
I was eleven
when I learned the burn of vodka
could quiet the voice in my head,
the one that kept asking
why am I still here?
I drank from a water bottle filled with Bicardi
in the back of 8th grade history,
and the teacher’s words became
white noise I floated in.
......
We passed pens like rumors
in the bathroom,
smoke curling
into secrets we never wanted to keep.
It wasn’t rebellion,
more like trying to make the day
a little softer around the edges,
like padding a fall
we already knew was coming.
......