I held on to your sweet little nothings, convinced myself there was forever in nothing in particular. your smile had me going and you laid out a bed of thorns covered in roses, your every word became a safe harbour in the storm, i held on to your warmth, told my heart it was from the yearning of your soul for us. i thought i had you. i told happy y'all look alike, thought maybe you were joy's long lost brother. i fed myself painted pictures of love that your arms led me to postulate and within the blink of an eye i poured out the very bit i had left, i thought i had the fairytale ending figured out. i thought without thinking, i figured that out when you left.
I held you without having never touched you before, I controlled your emotions having never seen you cry, I broke your heart having never heard it beat, I bruised your dignity with a mere look, I undressed you with a crude smile, I shaved your beautiful hair with my razor like words. I remember holding you to the wall, my breath penetrating your pores as the hairs at the back of your head stood as of looking to give me a standing ovation. I remember how you tried to stop me with a sweet trembling falsetto as though it were your last breath, I could feel my fingerprints bite into your melanin skin, in the same effort I felt your skin fight back my palms. As I came closer I could feel your sweat flow down like the Victoria Falls but my privilege told me that was your way if inviting me to swim. In hindsight I realise that I did all this thinking I'd put enough thought to it only to find out that when I was done with you I'd look at you and see the horrid work of misguided masculinity hidden under the shade of privilege. I guess I played myself.
“hurt me like the world hurts god”
if you’re not a believer, turn on your favorite song then hurt me to the melody that’s causing your heart strings to snap; hurt me like roaring tornados disintegrating everything in its path. hurt me by severing an artery, let’s portray the fear we hide inside by painting with my blood. It’d make such a pretty picture but we’re all too busy tricking our minds into believing that fear is weakness and weakness is ugly
Close aweary eyes, let down your hair,
Allow your gory arms to rest,
Give free rein to genuine despair,
Open up your damaged chest.
Show me weakness, insecurity, regret.
It's not a sin to have help by your side.
Let my shoulder take your tired head.
It's alright.
- - - - -
Forworn hero, fed up with action,
......
With age I’ve grown tired,
weary but not insane.
My bones are rather achy,
but my heart is too humane.
At night my vision is blurry,
with pills I kill my pain.
My hearing aid does help,
for sound to reach my brain.
But offensive words do fall,
......
With age I’ve grown tired,
weary but not insane.
My bones are rather achy,
but my heart is too humane.
At night my vision is blurry,
with pills I kill my pain.
My hearing aid does help,
for sound to reach my brain.
But offensive words do fall,
......
“hurt me like the world hurts god”
if you’re not a believer, turn on your favorite song then hurt me to the melody that’s causing your heart strings to snap; hurt me like roaring tornados disintegrating everything in its path. hurt me by severing an artery, let’s portray the fear we hide inside by painting with my blood. It’d make such a pretty picture but we’re all too busy tricking our minds into believing that fear is weakness and weakness is ugly
Close aweary eyes, let down your hair,
Allow your gory arms to rest,
Give free rein to genuine despair,
Open up your damaged chest.
Show me weakness, insecurity, regret.
It's not a sin to have help by your side.
Let my shoulder take your tired head.
It's alright.
- - - - -
Forworn hero, fed up with action,
......
I held on to your sweet little nothings, convinced myself there was forever in nothing in particular. your smile had me going and you laid out a bed of thorns covered in roses, your every word became a safe harbour in the storm, i held on to your warmth, told my heart it was from the yearning of your soul for us. i thought i had you. i told happy y'all look alike, thought maybe you were joy's long lost brother. i fed myself painted pictures of love that your arms led me to postulate and within the blink of an eye i poured out the very bit i had left, i thought i had the fairytale ending figured out. i thought without thinking, i figured that out when you left.
I held you without having never touched you before, I controlled your emotions having never seen you cry, I broke your heart having never heard it beat, I bruised your dignity with a mere look, I undressed you with a crude smile, I shaved your beautiful hair with my razor like words. I remember holding you to the wall, my breath penetrating your pores as the hairs at the back of your head stood as of looking to give me a standing ovation. I remember how you tried to stop me with a sweet trembling falsetto as though it were your last breath, I could feel my fingerprints bite into your melanin skin, in the same effort I felt your skin fight back my palms. As I came closer I could feel your sweat flow down like the Victoria Falls but my privilege told me that was your way if inviting me to swim. In hindsight I realise that I did all this thinking I'd put enough thought to it only to find out that when I was done with you I'd look at you and see the horrid work of misguided masculinity hidden under the shade of privilege. I guess I played myself.