I have his eyes,
I have his hair,
I have his scars,
and I had his bruises
that I practiced covering
in the mirror.
When I see him in the mirror –
transfixed by eyes
that stop me from finding cover –
......
blinding power trips
assumptions and conquests
i never said i was available
but you presume i’ll come
i never gave you permission
but entitlement doesn’t need approval
i didn’t say anything at all
but you pushed me through the wall
maybe it was my fault
frozen or fluid
......
Father used his fists
a lot
Though never on the kids
On the walls
and the furniture
and the doors
and the mailbox
and the fence
and the neighbors
......
pining for the days when i fried my brain
sobriety hasn’t made me less insane
we partied so hard i forgot my name
but i still remember the rules of the game
let's build a time machine just to forget the pain
go to a place where there was nothing to prove or attain
when my thoughts flowed like a steady rain
instead of this never-ending hurricane
remind myself of the lessons i learnt
survival through change is the main point
......
there was a dog outside and it kept
barking for some reason
Ah yes, it was chained
and the chain was terribly short
and the poor animal was hungry
Mother wouldn’t bother feeding it
No, mother wanted it
to die
because it had been father’s dog,
......
I have his eyes,
I have his hair,
I have his scars,
and I had his bruises
that I practiced covering
in the mirror.
When I see him in the mirror –
transfixed by eyes
that stop me from finding cover –
......
watermelon toes
I don’t know how to say no
scalloped shrieks
floating where the wind blows
never mind holding the heaviest load
I’m so magical—I could make you explode
didn’t even give me a chance to say yes
before coming to rest on my sweet head
......
blinding power trips
assumptions and conquests
i never said i was available
but you presume i’ll come
i never gave you permission
but entitlement doesn’t need approval
i didn’t say anything at all
but you pushed me through the wall
maybe it was my fault
frozen or fluid
......
I’m sorry for all the things I make you forget
For the times I abandoned you
for the lack of remorse and the absence of regret
For all the unfinished lists
and the times I lost faith
For always searching for an escape
Whiplash between dying hope and dwindling youth
always obscuring the real you
procrastination and perfection
is a deadly combination
......
pining for the days when i fried my brain
sobriety hasn’t made me less insane
we partied so hard i forgot my name
but i still remember the rules of the game
let's build a time machine just to forget the pain
go to a place where there was nothing to prove or attain
when my thoughts flowed like a steady rain
instead of this never-ending hurricane
remind myself of the lessons i learnt
survival through change is the main point
......