does knowing me more lead to loving me less?
each word that i whisper feels like a confession,
each layer i peel leaves me brittle, exposed,
as if love were a wound that i’ve over-disclosed.
i watch as your eyes, once soft as the dusk,
harden like mirrors, reflecting my rust.
the crows in my chest take flight without warning,
their wings beat a dirge for a love that’s still mourning.
......
These songs used to make me cry. I’d listen to cry. To feel. They’ve lost that effect. They’ve taken all my tears. Do you ever listen? Do you ever cry. Do you associate me and us with those songs. Do certain moment replay in your head. Do you freeze, do you break, do you burn. Or have you paved over those memories with new ones. Do you change the station, or listen, to feel. Or has the numbness kept you silent, sitting with a straight face, without a second thought.
Continue readingI say I hate you but I’d never wish the pain I feel on anyone, you included. No one should feel this heaviness in their heart with every step. No one should know how it feels to fall asleep crying, and wake up with the tears magically dried, somehow lessening their validity. No one should ever know what it feels like to lose your everything in one foul swoop.
Continue reading
without security of the firewalls
of the game that I once thought I won,
I saw for the first time
without those rose tinted glasses
and I saw the stop signs,
and the flags drenched in a deep maroon red.
I broke like the gift I gave to you for your birthday,
and I wept and screamed,
voice scratching at the walls of the cage
I was locked in by your faux words of care.
......
does knowing me more lead to loving me less?
each word that i whisper feels like a confession,
each layer i peel leaves me brittle, exposed,
as if love were a wound that i’ve over-disclosed.
i watch as your eyes, once soft as the dusk,
harden like mirrors, reflecting my rust.
the crows in my chest take flight without warning,
their wings beat a dirge for a love that’s still mourning.
......
Love always came, but never in my size.
Too big to hold, slipping through my fingers,
or too small, choking me in its seams.
I wore it anyway
patched-up apologies, sleeves too short to keep me warm,
frayed edges where promises unraveled.
I shopped for love in secondhand stores,
digging through racks of discarded affection,
trying on whispers that no longer fit their owners,
......
THE WALK DOWN THE ROAD
HAS ALWAYS FELT VERY ODD
THE PAVEMENT CRACKED SHOWING ITS OLD
OUR LOVE WAS VALUED LIKE GOLD
YET ALL I HAVE ARE YOUR MEMORIES
OF ALL THOSE NIGHT LOVE STORIES
KARMA DOESN’T ACCEPT APOLOGIES
THEY SAY WE WERE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE SUCH STRATEGIES
......
SCARS ON ME ARE SCARS ON YOU
THATS ARE ALL I HAVE ON ME FROM YOU
HOW I WISH THEY FADE INTO THE SKIN
BUT THESE ARE LOVE TATTOOS
LEFT TO DISTINGUISH ME AMONGST FOOLS.
it is time
time to sit alone
to lay
to lay in an abyss
an abyss of your love
your grief
your sorrow
your pain
to let it all in
to let it all out
......
Dew doth drop with gentle hue,
On petals tinged a bashful blue,
As bees swoon to swollen pollen;
I crave back that view to fall in;
‘Tis you, ‘tis you.
As sea kisses the night sky,
Before day doth due the two goodbye,
I lie; a rock on thine tender shore;
And beg thou to crash upon forever more.
......