You weren't well or really ill yet either;
just a little tired, your handsomeness
tinged by grief or anticipation, which brought
to your face a thoughtful, deepening grace.
I didn't for a moment doubt you were dead.
I knew that to be true still, even in the dream.
You'd been out--at work maybe?--
having a good day, almost energetic.
......
I am two fools, I know—
For loving, and for saying so
In whining poetry;
But where's that wiseman that would not be I,
If she would not deny?
Then, as th' earths inward narrow crooked lanes
Do purge sea waters fretful salt away,
I thought, if I could draw my pains
Through rhymes vexation, I should them allay.
Grief brought to numbers cannot be so fierce,
......
My little Son, who look'd from thoughtful eyes
And moved and spoke in quiet grown-up wise,
Having my law the seventh time disobey'd,
I struck him, and dismiss'd
With hard words and unkiss'd,
—His Mother, who was patient, being dead.
Then, fearing lest his grief should hinder sleep,
I visited his bed,
But found him slumbering deep,
With darken'd eyelids, and their lashes yet
......
That some day, emerging at last from the terrifying vision
I may burst into jubilant praise to assenting angels!
That of the clear-struck keys of the heart not one may fail
to sound because of a loose, doubtful or broken string!
That my streaming countenance may make me more resplendent
That my humble weeping change into blossoms.
Oh, how will you then, nights of suffering, be remembered
with love. Why did I not kneel more fervently, disconsolate
sisters, more bendingly kneel to receive you, more loosely
surrender myself to your loosened hair? We, squanderers of
......
1.
Award, and still in bonds, one day
I stole abroad,
It was high-spring, and all the way
Primros'd, and hung with shade;
Yet, was it frost within,
And surly winds
Blasted my infant buds, and sin
Like clouds eclips'd my mind.
......
I cried so hard last night
That I played a song on repeat
It was one I pulled from a Spotify playlist
That I want to assume is yours
It sounds like a lullaby
And I imagined you singing it to me
Telling me it'll be alright
And running your fingers down my face
......
I cry and cry and don’t know why.
My body clenches into knots
As violent grief explodes in pain
Until it subsides into a sigh.
Regrets and barely hidden guilt
Flood away more fonder themes,
Leaving residues of memories
That lay behind like mud and silt.
......
As children we splashed around in puddles
And look for rainbows when the sky cleared.
Loving life and the simplicities of what made us happy.
Completely ignorant of the struggles of the world.
As we grew older, we grew bolder.
Instead of waiting for the rain to stop.
We’d simply run out the door as quickly as we could,
Smiling and holding each other’s hand.
......
A milky-eyed mourning dove
Sat upon a tombstone - tacit -
Inside the grounds of St. Francis
To admire a cache betroved.
A sentinel's duty - it bears -
Not broken by a morning beam -
Even the shuffle of the wind
Could not disturb the atmosphere.
......
The day of your funeral,
a strangeness clung to us all,
like woodsmoke in our hair
or a whiff of other people’s fabric conditioner.
That evening, putting clean clothes in a drawer,
I saw a loose cotton thread
and I did not recognise it for the everyday thing it was
but recoiled, horrified.
......