Funny Poems | Poemist

Popular Funny Poems

There Was An Old Poop From Poughkeepsie

by John Updike

There was an old poop from Poughkeepsie,
Who tended, at night, to be tipsy.
Said he, ''My last steps
Aren't propelled by just Schweppes! '' -
That peppy old poop from Poughkeepsie.

American Primitive

by William Jay Smith

Look at him there in his stovepipe hat,
His high-top shoes, and his handsome collar;
Only my Daddy could look like that,
And I love my Daddy like he loves his Dollar.

The screen door bangs, and it sounds so funny--
There he is in a shower of gold;
His pockets are stuffed with folding money,
His lips are blue, and his hands feel cold.

......

Goodwill To Men - Give Us Your Money

by Pam Ayres

It was Christmas Eve on a Friday
The shops was full of cheer,
With tinsel in the windows,
And presents twice as dear.
A thousand Father Christmases,
Sat in their little huts,
And folk was buying crackers
And folk was buying nuts.

All up and down the country,

......

Afternoon In School The Last Lesson

by David Herbert Lawrence

When will the bell ring, and end this weariness?
How long have they tugged the leash, and strained apart
My pack of unruly hounds: I cannot start
Them again on a quarry of knowledge they hate to hunt,
I can haul them and urge them no more.
No more can I endure to bear the brunt
Of the books that lie out on the desks: a full three score
Of several insults of blotted pages and scrawl
Of slovenly work that they have offered me.
I am sick, and tired more than any thrall

......

Beautiful Soup

by Lewis Carroll

BEAUTIFUL Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!

Beau- ootiful Soo-oop!
Beau- ootiful Soo-oop!
Soo- oop of the e- e- evening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!

......

Recent Funny Poems

Merry and Bright

by Evelyn Judy Buehler

Christmas was only a few hours away.
Santa and elves were coming on the sleigh.
The night was filled with fair sights,
'Til the clash with festive lights.
Soon flashing, bright nosed Rudolph, led the way!

Interview with Mrs Parker

by Khayelihle Bongiswa Gamedze

I admit I have a thing
For brainy girls with glasses;

But there's just this one thing:
It's always glasses more than asses.

A Boy Named Sue

by Khayelihle Bongiswa Gamedze

When I was born I was too ugly
That my parents didn't like me.
So they named me Sue
For I looked like a shoe;
Life is tough for a guy like me.

Chemistry Teacher

by Khayelihle Bongiswa Gamedze

My teacher was not so good as yours seems to be,
His name was Goodwill and he taught us Chemistry.
He always wanted us to answer difficult questions,
And beat you strong if you cannot balance equations.
If you are late in class he'd twist and twist your ear
Until it falls to the ground and you'll pick it there.
He was so strong when he held you you'd wet your pants...
(He had gigantic hands I once gave him a compliment)
But a person can survive twenty four strokes I was the experiment,
Don't ever disturb Goodwill and give him a comment!

......

Sestina with Six Random Words

by Alexander Wolff

I was bragging to my friend Hadleigh that I slept with a model
named Jesse. As I drove back home, the insurance
company called, telling me I was an uninsured motorist.
It didn’t surprise me, for I had pledged
to stop using insurance, believing it a scam designed
by Sam. Although, this was only the first in the series

of events that night. It was late October — the start of the World Series.
On the radio, Hendrick’s Autos flaunted their makes and models.
Dusk danced across the sky, decaying, as if it were a prismatic design

......