Funny Poems | Poemist

Popular Funny Poems

There Was An Old Poop From Poughkeepsie

by John Updike

There was an old poop from Poughkeepsie,
Who tended, at night, to be tipsy.
Said he, ''My last steps
Aren't propelled by just Schweppes! '' -
That peppy old poop from Poughkeepsie.

American Primitive

by William Jay Smith

Look at him there in his stovepipe hat,
His high-top shoes, and his handsome collar;
Only my Daddy could look like that,
And I love my Daddy like he loves his Dollar.

The screen door bangs, and it sounds so funny--
There he is in a shower of gold;
His pockets are stuffed with folding money,
His lips are blue, and his hands feel cold.

......

Goodwill To Men - Give Us Your Money

by Pam Ayres

It was Christmas Eve on a Friday
The shops was full of cheer,
With tinsel in the windows,
And presents twice as dear.
A thousand Father Christmases,
Sat in their little huts,
And folk was buying crackers
And folk was buying nuts.

All up and down the country,

......

The Triantiwontigongolope

by Clarence Michael Dennis

There's a very funny insect that you do not often spy,
And it isn't quite a spider, and it isn't quite a fly;
It is something like a beetle, and a little like a bee,
But nothing like a wooly grub that climbs upon a tree.
Its name is quite a hard one, but you'll learn it soon, I hope.
So try:
Tri-
Tri-anti-wonti-
Triantiwontigongolope.

......

Steps

by Frank O'Hara

How funny you are today New York
like Ginger Rogers in Swingtime
and St. Bridget's steeple leaning a little to the left

here I have just jumped out of a bed full of V-days
(I got tired of D-days) and blue you there still
accepts me foolish and free
all I want is a room up there
and you in it
and even the traffic halt so thick is a way

......

Recent Funny Poems

What's Your Name?

by Gilligan Snolepart

Once upon a time
There was a bear called Bear

And a dog called Doug
and a cat called Cat

And a sheep call Hugh
And a dolphin called Delphine

And an Ox call Leon

......

Merry and Bright

by Evelyn Judy Buehler

Christmas was only a few hours away.
Santa and elves were coming on the sleigh.
The night was filled with fair sights,
'Til the clash with festive lights.
Soon flashing, bright nosed Rudolph, led the way!

Interview with Mrs Parker

by Khayelihle Bongiswa Gamedze

I admit I have a thing
For brainy girls with glasses;

But there's just this one thing:
It's always glasses more than asses.

A Boy Named Sue

by Khayelihle Bongiswa Gamedze

When I was born I was too ugly
That my parents didn't like me.
So they named me Sue
For I looked like a shoe;
Life is tough for a guy like me.

Chemistry Teacher

by Khayelihle Bongiswa Gamedze

My teacher was not so good as yours seems to be,
His name was Goodwill and he taught us Chemistry.
He always wanted us to answer difficult questions,
And beat you strong if you cannot balance equations.
If you are late in class he'd twist and twist your ear
Until it falls to the ground and you'll pick it there.
He was so strong when he held you you'd wet your pants...
(He had gigantic hands I once gave him a compliment)
But a person can survive twenty four strokes I was the experiment,
Don't ever disturb Goodwill and give him a comment!

......