Oh! me in those very known situations,
learning to thrive in those known but unknown situations.
what felt before, a piece of cake,
but wasn't one that appears to be.
then all of a sudden rather appears a rationale opportunity,
changed the irrational behavior and turned to be a completely new me.
Oh honey remember those days you and I had at the park going on the swing sets
Remember those days we had when we would talk laugh smile and cry
Remember our first date together it was near the beach on a cold autumn’s night
I placed my coat over you to keep you warm and to protect you
Remember our first kiss together it was on a cold winter's night it was magical
My life faded when the doctor told you and I that Alzheimer's disease took over your life
I cry at the thought of you not remembering the life we had together
You don’t even remember my name or the ring I gave you at our wedding day
......
Foam.
Endless.
Undulating
sea of
quantum
foam.
Drill
down
through
the visual.
......
Oh little plane how magnificent you are
The places you take people are just so wondrous
I just love seeing you fly by everyday
The mysteries you give me are frightening
Oh little plane why didn’t you come today
Were you sick or did I not come outside soon enough
I look at the TV to find out that you crashed on two towers
......
What is your idea of happiness? What is your idea of fun? I felt kinda called out today.
I told a girl I was "sooooo bored" and she said "why"? She had already known I was at a friend's house and I wasn't actually bored but, yet I said it? Was I just looking for attention or was I thinking its my real truth! I was not living in the moment with the companies I was with. People assume happiness is a forever thing.
If you actually determined you're happiness on the level of fun you had at the high stimulating peak moments in your life. You'd then generally live unhappy out of shear percentage of time available.
I lived the largest majority of my life to an extreme in hopes of these glorious peak moments in order to simply have the tale to tell. Then I've learned with age and practice any moment in life can be interesting to tell if the story is told right.
So if it's not about the "glory" persay then what is it about? Maybe happiness has absolutely nothing to do with fun. Fun is simply a momentary overload of enjoyment, while happiness is a more of a long term pleasant contentment for their own life?
How do I achieve a sustainable feeling of happiness? Or even comfortable. Fulfillment comes to mind, but there are all types of people who are fulfilled in some way or another. What does that mean for me? A goal, a passion, a meaningful reason to stay alive?
That might be a little bit too on the nose, but I do believe that throws the demon of the issue out in the sunlight. The root of the fear, failure in life.
What is failure? Hardship in life is my thought, yet to others not conforming to the majority belief is. Are you a failure if you don't fit in within the tribe, or are you a failure if you don't find a real passion for life?
Conformity corrupts the majority. They seem the happiest to me, yet the most regarded of us were trail blazers. Idols to the masses had a belief good or bad and passionately work towards the reality of that thing.
Unhappiness in knowledge and wealth only proves equality in the feeling we have towards life. While the most devoted members of whatever tribe or cult around seem to be the most highly motivated and full of purpose people alive.
......
Depression is a sad thing
Sadly I have it too
It doesn't go away it just gets better
And you don't even have to have a reson to have it
You're just sad and unmotivated
I noticed when someone I care about gets too distant
I start to overthink
Overthinking and then anxiety kicks in, I in full panic mode because, I got too close and now what if they leave me
What if they fell the same as I do, sad and depressed, how do I fix this, how do I show I care without being too pushy or annoying
The depression, the overthinking, the anxiety in me, in you
......
Skating.
Skating
on the
surface
of a
bottomless
pond.
Infinite
depth.
Spinning.
......
The Mule.
Unsuspecting.
Out of
nowhere.
Into the
mind
it weaves.
Altering
perception.
Moving
......
Will.
Spirit
of force.
Power to
manipulate.
Move
pieces
on the
board.
Control.
......
Two
trillion.
Four hundred
years back.
Earth was
thought
to be
the center
of the
universe.
......