The world is spinning faster than I can plant my feet
Change rattles my mind, and all I do is my best to stay the same
But do I really love this guy?
I stutter when I step,
I tremble when I talk,
I miss the days where I felt like
All of the words I spoke were so beautiful
Maybe I lost me while I was trying so hard to keep him
......
I sometimes dream I am a caterpillar
who forgets to grow into a butterfly.
I burrow into leaves, breaking through their delicate venation.
I funnel my uncinate feet through curling petals,
I glide through the pungent weeds of uncertainty
and hang from gossamer threads of doubt.
I sometimes dream I am a caterpillar
blending into the mossy greens growing on decaying walls,
lost in the intricate forest and counting the unseen stars,
......
sinking back
back into old ways
another crumbled star falls to waste
another try,
dying to get on to the right pace
lying to my face, laying in disgrace
it's in bad taste to chase a life unlivable
or blame God, cause I'm just as unforgivable
so I carry this skin and bones with pride,
through the pain, through the pain
......
My eyes are my definers
My legs are my walkers,
My ears are my feelers.
Tickle me.
Scrambled eggs, fissure my shell.
You tried to but I rot.
Atmospheres watch me oxidize,
Please finish what you did not.
The bugs here eat away at me,
With no stove to sear my wounds
......
My room is so messy
But I can't seem to clean
I try to explain it,
But I can't say what I mean.
My room is too stuffy,
Outside is too cold,
The dishes need washing
Before they grow mold.
......
To that petulant emissary of death
That seeks to chase me always
Like exhale after breath
As if i were life itself
With its beauty given birthright
......
Every wave overpowers the previous,
Each stronger than before.
An endless cycle of crashing upon tides rolling back.
They seen to constantly strengthen,
But the beach will never be overtaken.
Moments of strength will fade,
Making the next much more powerful.
11/15/23
Legs bouncing
hands shaking
I feel my hair stick up on my legs and arms
this cold feeling of my adolescence fades
and the warm morning glaze of new horizons washes over me
all the things I used to love
The teddy bear that still sleeps next to me at night
waking up without caring
fearing
longing for that smell of sterile school air
......
i helped myself.
I wiped my own tears.
Plastered over fresh wounds and parts of my heart that were still hurting.
I gave myself time.
I read books that soothed my soul.
I listened to music that calmed my nerves.
I watched movies that made me smile.
Piece by piece,
I put myself back together again.
......
Hello!
How have you been?
Ah that's cool. What happened then?
What happened then?
what Happened then?
what happened Then?
Why is there a disconnect?
What happened
What happened
What happened
......