I'm surrounded by people, but still feel alone,
I'm running, not stopping, or I'll turn to stone.
The moment my feet freeze the panic sets in,
My tongue turns to silver, my heart turns to tin!
I'm petrified,
And I cannot move,
I'm terrified,
I've got everything to lose-
......
My head filled with so many thoughts
every single day,
My heart beat is racing
I’ve got too much to say.
So many feelings inside me
lonely ,hurt, angry
I used to love eating food,
Now I barely feel hungry.
......
Ribald footprints
of a silent, brooding zitar
rendezvous with an ebbing tide
recalcitrant thoughts wash away
along this sandy shoal.
My lips are a barrier to a sick tongue,
Lies taste sweet, I can never get enough,
The truth is bitter, and It goes down tough,
My throat burns.
My thoughts take over the empty spaces,
And They find their way to the darkest places,
I can not even remember what today is, let alone what my name is,
Broken.
......
Are my thoughts too loud,
Does the breeze of my breath graze your skin in the heat of summer?
And my hands cling too tightly that your palms sweat,
And you count the seconds until I notice?
Do my words come out staggered and awkward-
Far apart and yet too close,
And do I linger far too long for hands held too stiff for an applause? [one that won’t occur]
Do you like me kinder, sweeter and quiet?
Am I preferred to lie in the heat of battle,
......
Are my thoughts too loud,
Does the breeze of my breath graze your skin in the heat of summer?
And my hands cling too tightly that your palms sweat,
And you count the seconds until I notice?
Do my words come out staggered and awkward-
Far apart and yet too close,
And do I linger far too long for hands held too stiff for an applause? [one that won’t occur]
Do you like me kinder, sweeter and quiet?
Am I preferred to lie in the heat of battle,
......
Who's this man in the mirror,
I have seen him, don't know him.
He is hostile, he doesn't like me,
Never believes a word I say,
I don't either,
Sometimes he cries tenderly,
I don't want to join him.
He will never like me,
It's not worth even trying.
Sorrow fills my heart like a barrel of lead
Regret drowns my spirit like a vengeful foe
Guilt gnaws my peace like a beast starved
Fear rises from my gut like a bubbling volcano
Pain clouds my sight and snatches my breath
I run - Despair lingers and hovers at every turn
An occasional burst of light - A flash - An image evades my grasp
Pain cripples my bones - And it's dark again
"Panic attack," they say.
Is this it?
I whisper, my voice shaking.
I know it’s just in my head,
Everything’s fine.
But then, my heart races—
A drum I can’t outrun.
I flee to the bathroom,
Lock myself in a stall,
......
To that petulant emissary of death
That seeks to chase me always
Like exhale after breath
As if i were life itself
With its beauty given birthright
......