Mishack Madubandlela

August 10, 2000 - Barberton, Mpumalanga, South Africa
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Explaining My Anxiety

My anxiety holds me hostage in my house
Anxiety is the out-of-town show-off cousin that depression felt obligated to bring to the party
I am the party
Only I am the party I don't want to be at
It's not a party if no one shows up for the snacks and drinks
My thoughts are the snacks my emotions always cheer to
My emotions are the only friends I always cuddle and roast marshmallows over the raging campfire in my heart with
My heart is the camp tent I never let anyone into
Only now, I have to find a way to let them in
To save me... From... Myself
My body is a continuously resurrected cluster of bones I have no idea of how to bring back to life
I have lost the definition of life
I have lost the roadmap for the treasure hunt I've been on since I was born
I guess the fun ended when I started feeling
I wouldn't say I'm a sensitive being
I'm just highly susceptible to feeling
I'm barely a being
It feels like I'm a king
But my kingdom is full of skeletons
Skeletons I thought I buried but they resurrect faster than my bones
Only there's no life in them... Just plain demons
Reminds me of all the ones I've been hiding from everyone
Now, everyone wants to visit my palace
I have no gatekeeper
My guard is the only “friendly” face I can show
The problem is that the guard is only fiction and I never had such a face to be proud of
I've been learning...
I've been learning to juggle my thoughts, feelings and demons but I only got two hands
So, I guess the only way out is...
Well... I should leave my throne and jump into the pit of purgatory
... See you on the other side...
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