You missed it when you walked in,
The tiles in the bathroom that looked like an ogre,
That had captured my imagination as a child.
You missed that the bottom stair was harder,
The leak in the upstairs bathroom that was neglected and left to the care of a bowl,
Emptied weekly as if this chore was less than fixing it.
You missed the dent in the paint from the arguments,
Doors slammed haphazardly into walls,
The stain on the carpet from way back when,
......
I watched myself in the reflection of ashes,
a silhouette of everything I thought I was.
The person I used to be
naive, trusting, eager to give
smiled back,
a ghost of a life I no longer recognize.
I thought I was unbreakable,
but their words were hammers,
their silences were chisels,
......
Perspective is a hell of a thing.
Meeting her was like looking into the eyes of a phoenix.
Soaring through a forest blanketed in darkness
Fire illuminating the night sky,
Radiating a gradient of yellows and reds,
While burning down the ferns and pines that block her path.
Too beautiful not to stare
But also, too dangerous to linger.
......
They are pulled from me;
Stretched, knotted, and
Burned in a fireplace
Where trust and human emotions,
Are turned to blackened ash
I am left an empty roll.
The ribbons of my feelings,
Manhandled, manipulated
Mitigated, and misunderstood.
......
I miss all the things.
the before things.
the untouched things.
the innocent things
that had no reason to fear the dark.
i miss the way i used to wake up
not scanning for danger
before my feet even hit the floor.
i miss how silence
......
Love always came, but never in my size.
Too big to hold, slipping through my fingers,
or too small, choking me in its seams.
I wore it anyway
patched-up apologies, sleeves too short to keep me warm,
frayed edges where promises unraveled.
I shopped for love in secondhand stores,
digging through racks of discarded affection,
trying on whispers that no longer fit their owners,
......
I watched myself in the reflection of ashes,
a silhouette of everything I thought I was.
The person I used to be
naive, trusting, eager to give
smiled back,
a ghost of a life I no longer recognize.
I thought I was unbreakable,
but their words were hammers,
their silences were chisels,
......
I miss all the things.
the before things.
the untouched things.
the innocent things
that had no reason to fear the dark.
i miss the way i used to wake up
not scanning for danger
before my feet even hit the floor.
i miss how silence
......
Hostage
There is something in my body that is tainted,
A drop of poison in my vestal blood.
I can feel him taking over,
His calloused fingers slipping into my mouth,
Crawling over every inch of my unclothed skin.
On my thighs and chest I can feel him groping,
Eyes gawking at my feminine mystique.
......
They are pulled from me;
Stretched, knotted, and
Burned in a fireplace
Where trust and human emotions,
Are turned to blackened ash
I am left an empty roll.
The ribbons of my feelings,
Manhandled, manipulated
Mitigated, and misunderstood.
......