In pursuit of rainbows, I'd tirelessly strive,
Seeking happiness and fulfillment to revive,
But the rules were ever-changing, elusive, and sly,
In this shifting relationship, I'd question why.
Each day a new dawn, with hope in my heart,
Believing in us, right from the very start,
I'd reach for those rainbows, with dreams in my eyes,
Hoping to mend what our love might comprise.
......
In the maze of doubt and insecurity, I'd tread,
Gaslit and projected upon, my spirit often led,
Every turn, a challenge, uncertainties grew,
In this narcissistic grip, I questioned what was true.
With each step I took, shadows seemed to loom,
As you gaslighted me, a relentless gloom,
Navigating the maze, my mind in disarray,
In this labyrinth of doubt, I'd search for a way.
......
I’ve had enough, can’t face today
All their crap is thrown my way
Whatever I say or do ain’t right
Probably get another kicking tonight
I watch them glare through raging eyes
They contradict and patronise
And make me feel I don’t belong
A worthless piece of human scum
......
Perspective is a hell of a thing.
Meeting her was like looking into the eyes of a phoenix.
Soaring through a forest blanketed in darkness
Fire illuminating the night sky,
Radiating a gradient of yellows and reds,
While burning down the ferns and pines that block her path.
Too beautiful not to stare
But also, too dangerous to linger.
......
There was a girl
Turned 23 last year
Only a year ago
She knew something had to change
So she wracked her brain
Looked for an answer
Her river of hope ran dry
They all turned a blind eye
......
In the maze of doubt and insecurity, I'd tread,
Gaslit and projected upon, my spirit often led,
Every turn, a challenge, uncertainties grew,
In this narcissistic grip, I questioned what was true.
With each step I took, shadows seemed to loom,
As you gaslighted me, a relentless gloom,
Navigating the maze, my mind in disarray,
In this labyrinth of doubt, I'd search for a way.
......
In pursuit of rainbows, I'd tirelessly strive,
Seeking happiness and fulfillment to revive,
But the rules were ever-changing, elusive, and sly,
In this shifting relationship, I'd question why.
Each day a new dawn, with hope in my heart,
Believing in us, right from the very start,
I'd reach for those rainbows, with dreams in my eyes,
Hoping to mend what our love might comprise.
......
In the mirror's churning reflection, I'd gaze,
A constant distortion, a bewildering haze,
My true self obscured, by the narcissistic game,
A battle within, for my identity's name.
The mirror would twist, my image it'd bend,
As the projections took hold, a relentless trend,
I knew I was good, with a heart that was kind,
But the mirror showed a monster, a distorted bind.
......
There was a girl
Turned 23 last year
Only a year ago
She knew something had to change
So she wracked her brain
Looked for an answer
Her river of hope ran dry
They all turned a blind eye
......
In a world where I am Christen Kuikoua,
Yet each day, I question if it's truly me.
I can act, sing, and model with passion,
But my dreams face a relentless decree.
Every aspiration met with a crushing sound,
As though someone's there to pull me down.
It's a daily struggle, a living hell,
Where critiques and judgments persist and swell.
......