Leigh Yah

January 27, 1999 - New York
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I Must Heal

It all makes sense now
Those nights I deprived myself from sleep
Those days I wondered where and how
And those moments I combat with anxiety.

I lost count of the times I endured infidelity
But that isn't the only case I had to deal with
My vision was clear but I feel like I'm blinded
Too bad, ignoring all the clues became a habit.

People around must've betrayed me
I wonder if they laughed at my ignorance?
Funny how people say they cared
Yet never had the courage to speak.

I am usually silent--that is how I function
But I never thought I'd be fooled that way
Thank you, I have finally come in concious
Solitude might be the best option.

I am so disappointed with myself
Not for being a coward
But for the years I lowered my standards
Hoping that one day my lover would stop taking me for granted.

I am out of mana
For having been gaslit a hundred times
My heart and mind gone numb
Nothing's left in me but fear and doubt.

How did I ever compromised for treating me this far?
I thought I am smart but I fell for those traps
If only leaving was that easy
Then I would no longer spend time taming that evil mind.

If my grief could possibly kill
Someone would be laying calloused behind bars
But I am never raised to do that far
So yet again, I'm keeping mum.

Now here
There's no point in trying to have you back
This would be my last time scribbling words for you my love
I am scared
I am scarred
Disenchanted but I must fight
I must heal.
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