How careful is the craft of conscience?
Which wields the sword of sorry,
That strikes the heels of discord,
And visits the home of the elusive.
Healing the rifts of former days
Respect is now paid,
As healing is sought
And time is bought.
Now, a conscience at ease
Grudges now cease.
......
You need to be broken, cracked open, to discover deeper layers to your being. The good news is that you can never completely break, for what you truly are cannot die. So as you break, all that dies are protective layers, illusions, and walls you have inherited from your surroundings and sustained because you didn’t know any better.
So let yourself break, and let the pain that arises be the fire that burns away all your doubts. Step back and allow these intense and scary emotions to run through your veins. These feelings are not your enemies, and deep down, you know this. They are but contracted love - your own repressed, malnourished, scared inner child crying out to be heard. As you become their embrace, they will unfold and bloom into powerful allies, like trees of such might and beauty that sustain your destiny’s unfolding.
Don’t be scared of your pain, and if you are, don’t add to it with more disdain. Acceptance is ever-present, and even your perfect inability to accept how you feel is already accepted, or else it wouldn’t be happening. Now you are free, not because you’re in control of yourself, but because you’ve let go of your anxious grasp on life. You’ve rediscovered your very own childlike freedom that is so deeply rooted in unknowing, in letting go and embracing what life sets before you. You never needed to become anyone, never needed to earn acceptance. Life has already said “yes” to you, for it has been unconditionally nourishing you until this very point. You are nature’s gift to itself, you breathe its air and eat its fruits, you stand in awe at its beauty and unknowingly carry out your divine duty, just by being you - a role no one else could fill.
Allow yourself to break now, to become a total mess. Drop your theatrical composure, with which you might have fooled other personas, but never could find any meaningful closure. Let the fear of being nobody fill your heart and brutally tear it apart, for every layer that falls away is a courageous step into the light of a new day.
And if you ever wonder what this pain is all about, it is not merely a source of frustration, but the very source of your being, the infinite power of creation. It is truly God’s fertile breath, the source of all life and the antidote to death. Scary it may be, but full of life for eternity. The dark, empty bottom of your being is where paradise reveals. Beyond space and time, beyond all definitions and names, the only thing that remains is the naked sense of “I”, the place where you and God stand eye to eye - one more step, now you’ve melted in his might.
......
O Eternal, beyond the grasp of flesh and time
In silent nights, where stars softly weep
My soul wanders, yearning to taste the divine in time
I search for You in depths still and deep
What am I but dust, mere clay and bone
O Beloved, pure as the morning’s breath
While You are the Unseen, seated on Your throne
Draw me near, release me from death
......
your lips are magnets to my skin
it feels rare to be loved like this
i guess that’s why i’m scared to admit
afraid of losing this uncharted bliss
my involuntary response
to keep everyone far
only continues the cycle
of breaking my own heart
maybe this time is a new start
what if we strolled forever in this park
......
When stuck in the storm of thoughts,
Take a pen and write it down
Just anything that can express the pain
Even if it can't heal you completely,
It may reduce the storm to a rain.
When you feel hurt or broken,
Don't keep it unspoken.
-Aditi Hayaran (Larkspur)
I'm not lazy;
I'm just tired,
Just figuring out
What months of pain rewired.
"You're healed," everyone says,
When I'm surviving each day
with constant malaise.
I don't have energy like you do;
Let me rest longer, for an hour or two.
The time stolen from my teenage,
......
They walk in darkness
Begging to see
Their voices rise
Hungry to be seen
Invisible people
Still have
Hearts / Beating / Rhythm
Under the weight
of the waiting–
But always,
......
I.
a cry splits the dark—
heat blooms like benediction
whispering my name.
II.
hand finds my backbone.
lips brush hair in reverence.
and the spring rain falls.
......
Shaking—
not like leaves in the wind,
but like glass in an earthquake.
Shards.
Artifacts.
Scars.
Moments frozen in amber,
each aching, each pulsing,
each with its own heartbeat—
remembering its dance.
......
Soudah and Dutchman
Soudah, a Malaysian slave lived in Cape Town’s slave lodge, her knee bone damaged after decades of scrubbing floors. She escaped northwards, hearing of a bone surgeon in Mpumalanga.
“Will you dance with me ?”, were the first words tumbling from his Dutch lips. He did not see her broken identity, confused caramel aura, threadbare clothing. Colour lived in sunflowers and sky, clothing in merino wool, eyes in streams and sunlight. She saw milk dripping from udders of his cows, his boots highly polished.
flower light at night
clear is vision, incision
spirit food landing
......