Letting go of the past is excruciating,
the pain that once ravaged me.
Why is it so hard?
Because, within that anguish,
I found a fleeting comfort,
though it was but a façade—
hollow declarations of love
from those who never truly cared.
I yearned for someone to hold me,
to whisper, “I love you,”
......
Bubbles in the afternoon
Blown on the back porch.
A gentle breeze caressing its way through my hair.
Looking into the eyes of people I once knew
Glimpses of the past.
Not a care in the world, for everything was good
Laughing at ourselves all day long
Amid the popping of those childish domes of soap.
The thing with bubbles
......
Before computers, cell phones and video games
We played in dirt
We built leaf forts in dirt
We made mud pies topped with cherries in dirt
We drew pictures in dirt
We wrestled in dirt
We ran in dirt
We left black rings in bathtub dirt
We looked at the sky and dreamed in the dirt and
We were happy, content, grounded
......
It seems I don't know quite how to respond,
To the pain present, within and beyond,
So, my subconscious defaults to the lead,
With habitual patterns, I proceed…
Reliant on instincts and emotions,
These primal pathways take me through motions,
Now I’m acting rash, values misaligned,
Hurting loved ones in this stressed frame of mind,
All because I’m unable to pacify,
My cortex, drenched in stimuli.
......
it is time
time to sit alone
to lay
to lay in an abyss
an abyss of your love
your grief
your sorrow
your pain
to let it all in
to let it all out
......
it is time
time to sit alone
to lay
to lay in an abyss
an abyss of your love
your grief
your sorrow
your pain
to let it all in
to let it all out
......
There's an addictive solace that whispers from between the cracks in this trench.
The floor stopped caving beneath me, and since then, I've been wandering the stretch.
The walls hug me cold and comfortable, or maybe they're simply my oldest, loyal friends.
I have lived, learned, and loved, and I have left, lost, and lamented.
I have contemplated the aches of history woven into each contracture's blemish.
I have mastered all the steps and I have memorized this condemning demised premise.
Enemies have worn friendly faces, played dress-up, and spoken with invalidity.
Friends have lifted me up and I've been sitting on the product of their solidity.
......
There is a house upon a hill
And it is standing ever still
Even though it hasn’t been cared for for years
The Structure is no longer safe
With broken glass and missing boards that need to be replaced
And you can no longer see the yard
Overgrowth and decay surround several rusted cars
Yet it is standing ever still
Even though it has lost its beauty
It is standing ever still
......
Before computers, cell phones and video games
We played in dirt
We built leaf forts in dirt
We made mud pies topped with cherries in dirt
We drew pictures in dirt
We wrestled in dirt
We ran in dirt
We left black rings in bathtub dirt
We looked at the sky and dreamed in the dirt and
We were happy, content, grounded
......
It grows quietly, like roots beneath the soil,
hidden from sight,twisting deeper with time,
feeding on doubts,on whispers left unchecked,
drawing strength from shadows
where light dares not linger.
Thoughts once clear now clouded,
murky waters stirred by fear,
resentments coiled tight,
venom dripping slow,unnoticed
......