we carry
the beautiful
bitter
broken
pieces
of ourselves
-shaped and weathered
by time
and adorned with lint
......
All the words
that never left my mouth
creep through my veins
filling the hollows of my mind
and my lungs with stone
encasing the very essence of me
in lead
weighing me down
as the murky depths
......
There's a fire in my brain with steam shooting from both ears, and a flame in each eye boiling every droplet of tear.
I'm trying to keep my thoughts from getting too out of hand, because a long time ago I told myself that joking about suicide was banned.
Next year should breeze, and I'll see the now through trivial lenses.
But this temper is untamable, and I already feel Death's commencements.
'Too far gone' hasn't even left yet,
But sometimes I ask myself if I'd rather an open or closed casket.
......
One sad song
one not even meant to be sad
One bittersweet moment
one not meant to linger
One small fragment of a feeling
one that I meant to let go
I don’t want to keep it
I never looked for it
I never sought it out
......
Saddling the yellow lines at 95,
Hostage to the late-night drives.
Drowning in the thoughts that ask when I might die?
And if I die tonight, did I satisfy the world that hangs me out to dry?
Staying up most nights, wishing someone would call and ask:
"Are you alright?”, “How you been?”, “What's on your mind?"
I still can't testify that I am fine.
......
It pains my soul
When one takes their life
A perminent solution
To their struggles and strife
They have no answers
Have no hope
To ease their pain
And be able to cope
......
Big or small
Short or tall
During our lives
We all fall
It's the nature of things
Don't ya know
But keep in mind
You're not alone
......
The days before Christmas were blue
with crispy air too shallow,
I couldn’t think in anything but gray.
nights at national were terrifying
in a way that made me know
I was alive.
a psychiatric hold
turned into 3 hospitals too many.
of course this wasn’t my first go
around but it would be my last.
......
Can you wait, or is it time to lash out from hate?
They manipulate and degrade your brain until the cancer takes over and mental illness starts to control you and rash emotions disown your logic until there's no more room for the kind side of you.
But you fight back until the flashbacks cut loose to past relapses and on my arms I read maps and I'm retracing old paths because I've seen these patterns before and now they're reborn just to let me tour for four years what it's like to restore my core only to find out that that time was pre-war to this year's deplore.
I'm hurdling redundancy and ducking self-destruction like Temple Run running from peers but the light flickers dim like a BIC and every time I look back and to the front I consider reversing the roles to play the hunter.
Oops, I meant haunter because it's the little things that make or break your sane until the only options are "It's fine, I'm okay" or planning the date you pave your fate to the grave.
Watch out for Lady Karma when you start dumping your drama like trauma from childhood but that's no excuse for the Hell you put me through because if you're consuming my lyrical bis with reiteration permits you're old enough to quit playing victim and narcissist and egoist;
Well shoot, here's a list: self-proclaimed Jesus' kid, two faced, evil, villain, r(e)aper (of joy), dishonest, fake friend who's in it to win it but 'it' is a Hell ticket, one-way, so enjoy the adult beverages and good luck with the glass of flames.
......
There's a fire in my brain with steam shooting from both ears, and a flame in each eye boiling every droplet of tear.
I'm trying to keep my thoughts from getting too out of hand, because a long time ago I told myself that joking about suicide was banned.
Next year should breeze, and I'll see the now through trivial lenses.
But this temper is untamable, and I already feel Death's commencements.
'Too far gone' hasn't even left yet,
But sometimes I ask myself if I'd rather an open or closed casket.
......