Anorexia, Anxiety, Depression, Self-Harm, Suicide
How you have become my friends
You have grown up with me and have been by my side
Friends I could not live without
You guys have controlled my life
And have left me at the end of my rope
What I go through every day is very real
You have put me through the lowest darkest times
It angers me when people put off my issues
Like they don't even care, they don't even try
......
Stop.
Please do not come closer
for I fear that I could lose you x
In one step, you fall off a cliff and plunge yourself into my despair.
The dark hole that tries to fill itself with lustful encounters
and whiskey neat.
I tried to warn you.
As if the beware sign was erased with the love
you tried to paint me x
......
I don’t like rhyming.
I shouldn't so much explain the why but how 26 letters can translate this torment I'm enduring.
Like the words anger, sadness,rage all equal to 16 letters that cling to my skin like mosquitoes but with every suck a piece of my soul rips out of this sorrowed body.
This is mediocre.
I'm going on and on about a feeling that everyone experiences but I'm special.
Like every morning I wake up with a pit in my stomach that I fill with calculated ideas of me getting better that i'll try for the next day that I'll know will be different
and every night I go to sleep with the same pit of distress that this is the reality I own.
But i am special
The next day I wake up and use the new profound idea from the night before.
but this time i'm rotting
......
Father used his fists
a lot
Though never on the kids
On the walls
and the furniture
and the doors
and the mailbox
and the fence
and the neighbors
......
Jeene ki ek vajaah de rahi hai
Zindagi ye kya bayaan de rahi hai
Umeed-e-nayaab se judaa tha main ek muddat se
Magar ab hayaat lagta hai duaa de rahi hai
Ek dost tha jiske ishare par chot khayi thi
Ek dost tha jiske ishare par chot khayi thi
Ek ajnabiyon ki toli hai jo dawa de rahi hai
Ban kar pankh aa lage hai kuch log yaha par aise
Ke udaan khariyat se hai, aur mazaa de rahi hai
kuch zaruraat mujhe bhi thi, kuch mukaddar mera bhi tha
......
A walk among the moors is where I seek solace
Among the largest expanses of heather,
To the South, the Vale of Pickering
How breath-taking, the moorland plateau,
Broken by deep vales and valleys
That embrace cultivated woodland,
It is where I seek solace,
To clear my troubled mind
A haven that understands me
Where no questions of me are asked
......
They look like drops of sunlight
These tiny yellow seeds
I take them with me everywhere
And plant them when I need
Some say I shouldn’t need them
But they haven’t seen my brain
"Your prospects are so rosy,
You’d be foolish to complain!"
......
It was sunny
When the flood came
And ripped the old wallpaper
And it revealed
Forgotten names
They sigh; “we can’t escape her”
I worried at first
That all the destruction
......
Today the world is grey. Every cloud, every window, every room. The same dull melancholy tones.
On days like today, its hard not to feel grey too.
She's awaken by fear.
Dreams become all too real.
She wakes with a scream, gasping for just one normal breath of air.
Sweat dripping down her face.
All she can hear is the sound of her heart beating in her ears.
Chest becomes heavy -- room pitch black.
Nothing to see as she reaches behind her back for her phone. She searches for just a little light.
The fears are real and jerking at her mind. As it wonders and worries it all becomes clear, she forever has to deal with the surreal.
......