If you ain't got family
Damn (then?) you don't have anything
There's nobody home
But they're there just the same
Ghosts with eyes you can't see
Watching from the corners like creeps
It's so scary and it's shameful I wish I had a family who wanted me
Home, I just want to be home
......
I wish people could see through my eyes
Hear through my ears
Cry through the night
And think my thoughts
I wish someone could feel my pain
Because maybe they wouldn't stare
And i wouldn't feel the glares
They wouldn't talk about me
And would know that behind every person
That talks about me
......
I see it
like a beacon against the darkness
that swallows the raging sea.
I see it
like a sailboat
escaping to someplace free.
I see it
like the safest way out.
......
Today the world is grey. Every cloud, every window, every room. The same dull melancholy tones.
On days like today, its hard not to feel grey too.
She waits for me every day. Wondering how long I will stay. I hear her calling day in day out. I want to listen when she tells me she can comfort me. When she tells me she can help me. When she tells me everything will be alright if I just step into the darkness with her. I feel her grabbing me on the cold nights, trying to take me with her. She holds my hands while I cry. She tells me I’m never alone. She is always there for me. In dark moments I seek her, knowing I shouldn’t. She can be nice from far away, but the closer she gets, the more dangerous it becomes. If I let her too close I will ruin them. My mother’s screams, my sister’s love, they seem to fade away once she tells me to stay. I grab her hand and let her pull me into the unknown. The unknown I want to learn so desperately about. The unknown that is so scary but yet so familiar. The unknown that’s always on my mind and can’t seem to let me go. The unknown she promised to take me. Her promises give me a way out, but this way out only makes life more impossible. She says she loves me and I believe her. Sometimes she’s the only thing I can think of for several days, and other days I can’t even remember why I was ever attracted to her. But then she’s there with me again, she pulls me into the dark, says she’ll help me escape. I slip into the unknown and she takes over all control I have. She makes me feel again. The numb feeling that’s always on my chest seems to be taken over by her presence. She guides me. She leads me. Her soft touch makes me calm as I follow her footsteps. She opens the gate to let me through and as I try to follow her my breath trembles and my knees feel weak. The unknown I’ve always wanted to see, seems so scary and dark yet to comfortable and silent. I let myself be taken into the dark silence to never come back to that what I once knew.
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I, moving from this skin of confinement,
The blood blossoms clean,
Covering myself in roses.
Draping myself,
Matching the crimson branches
Clinging to my swollen orbs.
Conscious not to fashion patchwork,
But the linen lines remained,
......
an untouchable love;
tears shed by my faults.
no apology worthy,
as you’ve been my rocks.
i want you to be happy;
to return to your home.
I simply wish this community;
will appreciate your soul.
......
it’s crazy
coming to the realization
coming to a situation
out in winter
few clothes and little shelter
giving you my wants
giving you my needs
and expecting nothing in return; yet i feel nothing
......
Unthinkable moments of radon decay
Ratcheted by powerful inhibitions of examiners
An unquenchable thirst for power
Necessitated by humanities conflict with regression
Insolent of other existents
Unaffected ones destroy for their search
Marring the desolate with sickness
Intending opportunity not
I broke my mirror
Grains of glass lay on the ground
The shards poke my feet and stick in my hands
It’s definitely been more than seven years of bad luck
Putting shards back in the frame just is not the same
The holes in my reflection are annoying
Sometimes, I wonder why I’m trying so hard to fix my mirror
Glue at least gets the shimmering pieces back up
......