Anorexia, Anxiety, Depression, Self-Harm, Suicide
How you have become my friends
You have grown up with me and have been by my side
Friends I could not live without
You guys have controlled my life
And have left me at the end of my rope
What I go through every day is very real
You have put me through the lowest darkest times
It angers me when people put off my issues
Like they don't even care, they don't even try
......
Im here in the matrix
Reality at times feels fake
Holding myself together
For if I don't I will break
Energy of which
It does take alot
offen leaves me
In a deep place of thought
Removed and excluded
Of what lay around
......
Put a knife to my head and shoot myself with a shovel
Got a nice leather belt and hit myself with the buckle
Make rice and raining beds into a drink, make it double
Roll the dice, cards i dealt making me sink, left is rubble
Cut the lights, hit my head nothing to think,
Faces chuckle
I don’t like rhyming.
I shouldn't so much explain the why but how 26 letters can translate this torment I'm enduring.
Like the words anger, sadness,rage all equal to 16 letters that cling to my skin like mosquitoes but with every suck a piece of my soul rips out of this sorrowed body.
This is mediocre.
I'm going on and on about a feeling that everyone experiences but I'm special.
Like every morning I wake up with a pit in my stomach that I fill with calculated ideas of me getting better that i'll try for the next day that I'll know will be different
and every night I go to sleep with the same pit of distress that this is the reality I own.
But i am special
The next day I wake up and use the new profound idea from the night before.
but this time i'm rotting
......
I want to kill myself.
Smother my body and reduce it to but a smear on the wall.
Like a fly.
Not harmful, but really fucking annoying i am.
Like a fly.
Death seems like relief from this ever so painful cycle of harm and grief.
My grip on reality slipping,
Myself being long fucking gone.
My life being hard to envision,
......
Im here in the matrix
Reality at times feels fake
Holding myself together
For if I don't I will break
Energy of which
It does take alot
offen leaves me
In a deep place of thought
Removed and excluded
Of what lay around
......
I want to kill myself.
Smother my body and reduce it to but a smear on the wall.
Like a fly.
Not harmful, but really fucking annoying i am.
Like a fly.
Death seems like relief from this ever so painful cycle of harm and grief.
My grip on reality slipping,
Myself being long fucking gone.
My life being hard to envision,
......
Put a knife to my head and shoot myself with a shovel
Got a nice leather belt and hit myself with the buckle
Make rice and raining beds into a drink, make it double
Roll the dice, cards i dealt making me sink, left is rubble
Cut the lights, hit my head nothing to think,
Faces chuckle
Persistent endless emptiness,
Sinking numbness with every breath,
Legs like lead,
Zero motivation,
Procrastination off the scale.
I just need to sleep, just 5 more minutes... Just 5 more minutes... just 5 more minutes before I face my world.
Wash? Why?
Same clothes as yesterday.
Same clothes for the last decade at least. Fuck my appearance!
What do I care?
......
I live in a pool of clouds
Treading through cirrus
Diving into cumulonimbus
I seek the light
The rays that break the gray
And paint the ground
And melt the snow
And warm my car
And heal my head
It's this light that makes a pool of the ocean
......