Time went by
And I was still there
There's 7 yr old me laughing
Can you hear what she saying
"Still no friends, what a sad being."
With that I shout, "No, I have"
"Really ? Someone to go out with ?"
"Someone to laugh with ?"
"Someone to do insane stuff with ?"
I wish I could say yes firmly
......
Reaching out
Desperate, pleading
But no response
No response
No response
Although I’m trying
Although I’m dying
There’s no response
No response
......
My eyes whirl as I try to wrap my head around it
My brains scramble as they attempt to understand it
Nothing makes sense anymore, it’s no use to try
All I can do now is stand here and cry
Everyone’s left me and left no reason why
Confusion envelops me as the end runs nigh
I’m left here in sorrow, in isolation so cold
Apology does nothing, so it is here I fold.
I cried so hard last night
That I played a song on repeat
It was one I pulled from a Spotify playlist
That I want to assume is yours
It sounds like a lullaby
And I imagined you singing it to me
Telling me it'll be alright
And running your fingers down my face
......
LONELINESS is a better friend,
It sticks with me every minute, every hour of the day.
SORROW a good friend too.
It visits me by night, it never forsakes its hour.
REJECTION touches my shoulder
Every time I meet a special person.
It is a better friend to comfort,
I feel its touch on my shoulder down my spine.
REGRET is my best friend. It shares my bed at night.
It is there holding our hands, me and SORROW.
......
Sometimes
she enters quietly,
without knocking,
sits beside me
as if she's always belonged.
She says nothing,
but her presence
is heavy.
......
Manchmal
kommt sie leise,
ohne anzuklopfen,
setzt sich neben mich,
als hätte die immer dazugehört.
Sie spricht nicht,
und doch
füllt sie den Raum.
......
Reaching out
Desperate, pleading
But no response
No response
No response
Although I’m trying
Although I’m dying
There’s no response
No response
......
No one wants to know me and unearth the beauty that is me
So why should I care about you
I’m someone that cares so much for the wrong people
But I’ve reached out to the others
We have decided that we don’t care to know you anymore
You know the worst thing you can do to a man is lock him in a cage and leave him with no one to speak to
The universe looks out for me, and it had to cage me because I was foolishly looking in the wrong places for love
It knew I would work endlessly and fruitlessly
But I’m caged looking for the keys to my heart but I hear the dead silence of you and my despair drums inside my brain
You’re torturers of great skill and I’m saying goodbye to you
......
Put your cigarettes on me, put it on me, put it in me and I’ll smoke the motherfucking ashes
Cast me aside with the rod and don’t spoil this child
They Threw me in the basement where I couldn’t hurt or affect anyone my whole life
I’ve been a pariah for as long as I can remember
And now this tower, anything but this tower of loneliness
It takes so long to see a person here, they walk up the steps and give up halfway
And when they do make it up the stairs all I hear is the echo of their judgement
I’m a rabid, radical resistor, a rabble rouser, and a runt of the litter
They never taught me how to be a man, so I’m this child instead
And I’m not good enough to be friends with some of you, it seems
......