Humor Poems
The Apple Of My Eye
by Jeffrey Pipes Guice
Every time I think of you my hands began to shake.
My knees begin to wobble and my head begins to ache.
You caused me nothing but trouble and I often wondered why.
I was good to you and I loved you so. You were the apple of my eye.
It started on the afternoon of the 23rd of May.
You were dating a boy named Anderson
but your game he couldn’t play.
Then when you saw me you fell in love
and you still love me today.
......
The Birds and the Bees Revisited
by Richard Randolph
Your mother thinks it’s time
I taught you about the birds and the bees,
so here’s what I’ll say about that.
God knows it’s easy to envy birds,
seeing them flying so high and free.
But the truth is most of them live in constant fear
of being killed and eaten by bigger birds,
or cats, or some other creature.
And all that singing the Romantics talk about,
well, it’s really just them squawking in turf wars,
......
Rocky Balboa Isn't As Tough As He Thought
by Randy Johnson
When Rocky Balboa returned from Russia, he'd been cheated out of his money, he didn't have a penny.
I was at his estate sale and I bought his Lamborghini.
But Rocky followed me home and said that he was ready to attack.
He said he'd break every bone in my body if I didn't give the car back.
Rocky was with his son and he was trying to prove that he was a tough guy.
I kicked him in the nuts and his son was shocked because Rocky started to cry.
Rocky's son thought his dad was as tough as a gorilla but he turned out to be a wimp.
He lost a lot of respect for his dad, now when he looks at him, he thinks of him as a chimp.
You may believe that Rocky is tough but he's not.
Rocky turned out not to be as tough as he thought.
......
Love Notes from the Fur-Covered Couch
by Nai'a Safir
Dear cherished companion, sweet and true,
Each day I give my thanks to you,
For all the special ways you share,
Your loving presence everywhere.
Such artistry in every shed,
From kitchen floor to cozy bed.
Your fur adorns my morning feast,
Like snowflakes falling, never ceased.
......
Lizards
by Joe Cyr
The common Florida lizards are quite amazing beasts,
beneficial, of course, dining on pesky-insect feasts.
Their mating behavior is curious - a comical display;
the male picks up a willing mate then quickly runs away.
If she is coy, he drops her to flash his red-colored band;
she runs off - and he, unruffled, gulps the nearest bug at hand.
❀
Love Notes from the Fur-Covered Couch
by Nai'a Safir
Dear cherished companion, sweet and true,
Each day I give my thanks to you,
For all the special ways you share,
Your loving presence everywhere.
Such artistry in every shed,
From kitchen floor to cozy bed.
Your fur adorns my morning feast,
Like snowflakes falling, never ceased.
......
Dragonfly
by Joe Cyr
A dragonfly is delicate and beautiful,
with gossamer wings and body bright.
Flying up or down, ahead or back – so fanciful,
it darts about on zigzag paths in flight.
All in all, dragonflies seem cool and neat
except to the bug it’s just about to eat!
Poets
by Joe Cyr
Most poets write in shortful spurts,
(Departures are Evangeline and Shakespeare's works).
Now, why do poets write that way?
Why do they bother with contrived word play?
There's something about poetic style
that more easily makes people smile,
or cry, at times, it all depends
upon the poet's aims and ends.
......
Senior Moment
by Joe Cyr
I just removed them for a moment and then put them down,
now I’ve groped everywhere, but my glasses can’t be found.
As I get older, things seem to be getting more confused;
I need someone around here to discover what I lose.
Don’t tell me it’s a senior moment and just memory loss;
for I recall, at six years old, first meeting Santa Claus.
And what I did as wallflower at my first high school prom,
......
Acronyms / Germs Beware / Poetic Justice
by Joe Cyr
Acronyms
Verbiage reduction and word-count trim
Are achieved through use of the acronym.
But please, O author of technical prose,
The knowledge of readers do not suppose;
So we can know what it's all about,
The first time you use it, please spell it out.
......
