Humor Poems
Rocky Balboa Isn't As Tough As He Thought
by Randy Johnson
When Rocky Balboa returned from Russia, he'd been cheated out of his money, he didn't have a penny.
I was at his estate sale and I bought his Lamborghini.
But Rocky followed me home and said that he was ready to attack.
He said he'd break every bone in my body if I didn't give the car back.
Rocky was with his son and he was trying to prove that he was a tough guy.
I kicked him in the nuts and his son was shocked because Rocky started to cry.
Rocky's son thought his dad was as tough as a gorilla but he turned out to be a wimp.
He lost a lot of respect for his dad, now when he looks at him, he thinks of him as a chimp.
You may believe that Rocky is tough but he's not.
Rocky turned out not to be as tough as he thought.
......
God Is Cracking Down
by Randy Johnson
I broke one of God's Commandments when I stole an extension cord.
I was struck by a bolt of lightning because I angered The Lord.
God is cracking down on those who break his Ten Commandments.
You'd better listen to what I'm saying because I'm making a lot of sense.
When I chose to be a used car salesman, it wasn't a decision that was wise.
God struck me with leprosy because it's my job to constantly tell lies.
I haven't broken just a few of God's Commandments, I've broken all ten.
God is cracking down, he is making me pay for each and every sin.
Because I've become a leper, I can't get a date with a woman on any night.
When women see me, they wet themselves and start running because of fright.
......
Lit-Girl (La fille lit)
by anais vionet
We’ll be having mimosas and eclairs for Easter,
because I asked myself, “What would Jesus do?”
On another note,
I was having a convo with a new friend
and somehow it spilled that I write a little
- I don’t usually mention it.
So, I’m a Lit-Girl - but I didn’t know it
until I was just informed - named.
......
Ode to Telethons
by Brady Jones
Oh good cause, why must you taunt me with your ethical ways?
You tempt us into turning over my hard earned money for “charitable reasons”.
You torture me with emotional testomonials, coaxing me even closer to a generous donation.
Animals in need, a country in crisis, it is all so moving!
You put a number on the screen forcing my hand ever closer to the phone.
You bombard me with more!
A child’s dying wish, a starving veteran out on the streets, let me help!
Finally they ask me one simple question.
Will you help?
......
Death &Amp; Fame
by Allen Ginsberg
When I die
I don't care what happens to my body
throw ashes in the air, scatter 'em in East River
bury an urn in Elizabeth New Jersey, B'nai Israel Cemetery
But l want a big funeral
St. Patrick's Cathedral, St. Mark's Church, the largest synagogue in
Manhattan
First, there's family, brother, nephews, spry aged Edith stepmother
96, Aunt Honey from old Newark,
Doctor Joel, cousin Mindy, brother Gene one eyed one ear'd, sister-
......
Quicksand in Iran - in Trumps own words
by Dr. Robert Ippaso
Try as I may
I'm swatting at shadows dancing on quicksand,
To my utter dismay
Nothing I do works as planned.
My good friend Bibi
Promised we'd trounce them in days,
We were counting off nightly
Itching to exit this devilish maze.
......
Fits of Laughter
by Evelyn Judy Buehler
William was proclaimed king in the middle ages, and he was capable and fair;
And also had a jolly sense of humor, like tinctured bubbles, giggling, in air!
He and the queen loved the palace life, like the garnet, sunset King of Days;
And sometimes played practical jokes, in the flowering, summertime craze!
Their court held lavish feasts and much revelry, like diamond waves, sparkly;
Under the graceful seagulls screaming, at their noon, oceanside, beach party.
Frequently friends were fixtures at court, when the fat frogs croaked spring;
......
Lit-Girl (La fille lit)
by anais vionet
We’ll be having mimosas and eclairs for Easter,
because I asked myself, “What would Jesus do?”
On another note,
I was having a convo with a new friend
and somehow it spilled that I write a little
- I don’t usually mention it.
So, I’m a Lit-Girl - but I didn’t know it
until I was just informed - named.
......
heavens empty hours
by anais vionet
Give me but some music
- in heavens empty hours -
a piece of song, giddy-paced
and innocence for innocence
I’m a horse that never tires
While a cup of wine
makes light airs
and merry hearts
......
ways
by anais vionet
How did my bf and I spend our early Easter morning? We escorted my Grandmère to mass, of course! And much to my surprise, Catholicism is back baby! The place was packed - and not with the usual elderly and ‘death adjacent,’ but with young Gen-somethings.
“What’s going on, Monsignor Philippe?” I asked the Auxiliary Bishop of Paris, after the show.
“Gen Z’s choosing to shake off p0rm and drugs and revitalize with beauty and discipline.
“And,” he added with a smile, “it’s one of the last places a young man can meet a pretty girl.”
“That’ll bring ‘em in,” I agreed.
On the club scene, some dance clubs have adopted color-coded security consent-bracelets - you pick them up at the door. It’s a stoplight-style setup:
A Green bracelet signals you’re open to being asked or flirted with.
A Yellow bracelet says, ‘approach with caution - feeling things out’
......
