Because this graveyard is a hill,
I must climb up to see my dead,
stopping once midway to rest
beside this tree.
It was here, between the anticipation
of exhaustion, and exhaustion,
between vale and peak,
my father came down to me
......
And when, in the city in which I love you,
even my most excellent song goes unanswered,
andI mount the scabbed streets,
the long shouts of avenues,
and tunnel sunken night in search of you...
That I negotiate fog, bituminous
rain rining like teeth into the beggar's tin,
or two men jackaling a third in some alley
weirdly lit by a couch on fire, that I
......
FROM off a hill whose concave womb reworded
A plaintful story from a sistering vale,
My spirits to attend this double voice accorded,
And down I laid to list the sad-tuned tale;
Ere long espied a fickle maid full pale,
Tearing of papers, breaking rings a-twain,
Storming her world with sorrow's wind and rain.
Upon her head a platted hive of straw,
Which fortified her visage from the sun,
......
When Mother divorced you, we were glad. She took it and
took it in silence, all those years and then
kicked you out, suddenly, and her
kids loved it. Then you were fired, and we
grinned inside, the way people grinned when
Nixon's helicopter lifted off the South
Lawn for the last time. We were tickled
to think of your office taken away,
your secretaries taken away,
your lunches with three double bourbons,
......
1.
We two sit on our bed, you
between my legs, your back to me, your head
slightly bowed, that I may brush and braid
your hair. My father
did this for my mother,
just as I do for you. One hand
holds the hem of you hair, the other
works the brush. Both hands climb
as the strokes grow
......
I was there when they found him
Alive, barely inching across the concrete
he needed to go
Yes
He needed to go.
He needed a fact functioning friend
To dismiss, allieve,
Align with the lust for damnation.
To damn your dearest creation
However
......
Today my father walked away from me
I was 8 years old again
and all I could do was cry
as i grieved the love i never had
and yearned for the care he never gave me
You begged me not to confess, to lie about my quiddity,
for it pierces through your skin to hear my certitude and witness my color.
So, I listened and deceived you, as well as myself.
I did it for as long as air merged out of my body.
Still and all, the time arrived where I exhausted my soul.
You noticed but stayed blind.
That's the extent of the hatred you garnered to the man I embellished.
So I apologize, for I am what you loathe, father.
Fathers are like the ocean,
Vast deep, strong in motion,
Endless depths of love and care,
Always present, always there.
Like the waves that crash ashore,
Fathers protect us evermore,
Guiding us in life's rough tide,
Leading us to the other side.
......
On the jetty - in the mist - dry under ponchos
Surf pounding at concrete - biting at the shore
Glowing gaslamp beckoning gnats - freezing on the tank
Poles in hands - lines in water - standing in entwined silence
Coho spawning - swallowing offered bait
Father and Son sharing heartbeats and serenity