Hours swell into a crash
along the shores of my stomach
before withdrawing once again
Shifting symptoms to sickness.
The bathroom is eager to greet me
with compliments; saying I breathe
In perfect tone and cadence
while the door frame attacks the ceiling.
......
We were running and we were safe,
We were high but well behaved
Positive souls by all that mean,
Driving cool in a fast machine
Then something happened,
We blacked out
We stuck in the dark,
Could not shout
It's the car wrack,
That we couldn't move
......
How do you go through life? How do you wake up in the morning? Do you wake up and promise yourself it’s a new day? Do you really feel like you have a fresh start everyday? Do you truly and honestly get out of bed happy every morning feeling like nothing could bring you down because it’s a brand ??? day?
Have you ever been so fucking low that in that moment, at that time, tomorrow didn’t exist for you? Even thinking of the sunrise was unreal.
Do you drown your feelings with alcohol? Do you ruin yourself with drugs? Have you spent your whole life learning how to filter and bury your emotions because everyone was worried about your drug addict mother and alcoholic father instead of you? Instead of worrying about the toll and emotional wreckage their actions were taking on you and your siblings only to have all your progress and growth ripped away when you slowly realized you’re no better than them.
Not being able to help thinking that the only reason your family was ‘helping’ was to make themselves feel better, so they could say that they ????? to help.
You’re just as worthless as your parents because you are them. You’ve become them. You’re just as ruined. Just as broken. Just as fucked up. You’ve inherited all their shitty genes, all of their worst qualities, not being able to find the good in yourself anymore. Are you an alcoholic like your father? Do you crave the rush of trying a new drug daily like your mother? Does your ‘family’ want to send you away until you come back ‘fixed’. They expect it to last, but it doesn’t. There isn’t a happy ending, and no one gets better. There isn’t a coming back. Everyone relapses. You live on a climax, on a rush, on impulse with no downfall. Always on edge. Always ruined.
ALLIE D.
The thing that makes people feel alive again.
The thing that ends up killing them.
because it’s nice to be young
because it’s nice to be in your
early to mid twenties
and it’s nice to do the thing
after you’ve done the thing
the thing that comes after you’ve
done the
thing is always
the same
......
They used to boink ‘till she oink.
Now she wanna divorce;
Steal all the money from his bank,
And saddle up a different horse.
Kermit starin’ down a pistol point
Blank, head empty, sit and think.
His heart sank.
He just wants a baddie with which to get jiggy.
He don’t want no Pay Piggy.
......
We stood in front of the toilet and waited.
You said you couldn't do it anymore.
She would be the perfect woman
But not your home.
Your home is there in the first booth
Your home is doing lines
You stood in front of the toilet and waited
I feel disgusted and
this pseudo-romanticism quite ridiculous.
......
As the blazing star resolves in the ocean,
The haunting echoes come out of hiding.
My trembling fingers long for the
blood-soaked glass slab to firmly
stroke my withering skin.
The slabs of my broken,
blood-soaked mirror,
sheen brighter than
......
The thing that makes people feel alive again.
The thing that ends up killing them.
How did we get to where we are,
America - the one undimming shining star,
A land of freedom, of unbounded pride
Where no one needed run and hide
For their religion or mere thought,
Democracy - the very heart of what was taught.
Now the Media drums a beat
That too many rush to heed,
Politicians seem at war
......