From age 8, risky behavior was my best friend.
It started with cutting my wrists,
not for death but for the sensation.
It was like my brain took too long to register
the pain that I felt, so long that I sometimes didn’t feel it.
At age 11, I got drunk for the first time.
Felt a little silly, a little lighter. Everything made me laugh just a little harder.
At 11, I gave myself a tattoo. The burning sensation of a too dull needle
and not skin safe ink made me feel
ALIVE.
......
A fountain of pheromones, a bath in bleach,
Amorous anesthesia puts me to sleep.
Amoxicillin sex disinfects, leaving nothing unclean.
Cold, white, and sterile, like a hospital wall.
Find myself embracing paracetamol,
A creosote touch, but it's much more than just the usual call.
It leaves me wondering,
"What happens when poison expires?"
......
Just one month ago, you were walking around.
But now you're dead and buried in the ground.
So much can change in just the blink of an eye.
You went too soon, forty-eight was too young to die.
Forty years ago in 1979, we became friends.
I wish that your life hadn't come to an end.
On the 3rd day of June, you took your final breath.
You overdosed on drugs and it caused your death.
Because you were a drug user, you didn't survive.
Drugs eventually kill, that's why you're no longer alive.
......
prologue
the ensuing morning bears a cynical savor
a tangle of instincts, tainted and soiled
its flavor lingers – thus disposed is the labor /requital/
compelling repugnance, shock and recoil
act I
his voluptuous gaze;
/yielding honey/
frigid, incongruous flutter.
......
On the warm wool, among Nordic symbols, giggles and mandarins, two hollow sanctuaries pull me in. Bony surface, smooth, recklessly thin.
I trace the patterns of lost vigor.
His beak, open, softly arced.
As if his last breaths were the questions I’ve lost the answers to.
So out of place, placed here so stubbornly.
Into my grasp, as if meant to be.
With each passing blink, I move closer to your essence, closer than you yourself could ever be.
Reaching beneath where your skin once lived.
Past the things you thought you were.
It makes me wonder,
......
The things about drugs
is at first
you get high.
You never want to come down,
and then you do.
And maybe you didn’t love it at first,
but you start to chase
those 10 seconds of buoyancy,
that minute of relief,
those 10 minutes of anticipation,
......
From age 8, risky behavior was my best friend.
It started with cutting my wrists,
not for death but for the sensation.
It was like my brain took too long to register
the pain that I felt, so long that I sometimes didn’t feel it.
At age 11, I got drunk for the first time.
Felt a little silly, a little lighter. Everything made me laugh just a little harder.
At 11, I gave myself a tattoo. The burning sensation of a too dull needle
and not skin safe ink made me feel
ALIVE.
......
The unknown, the mysterious,
Smoking Mary Jane,
Till they lost and delirious.
Clouded are their thoughts,
Hidden are their meanings,
Searching for refugee in unsaid feelings
On the warm wool, among Nordic symbols, giggles and mandarins, two hollow sanctuaries pull me in. Bony surface, smooth, recklessly thin.
I trace the patterns of lost vigor.
His beak, open, softly arced.
As if his last breaths were the questions I’ve lost the answers to.
So out of place, placed here so stubbornly.
Into my grasp, as if meant to be.
With each passing blink, I move closer to your essence, closer than you yourself could ever be.
Reaching beneath where your skin once lived.
Past the things you thought you were.
It makes me wonder,
......
They used to boink ‘till she oink.
Now she wanna divorce;
Steal all the money from his bank,
And saddle up a different horse.
Kermit starin’ down a pistol point
Blank, head empty, sit and think.
His heart sank.
He just wants a baddie with which to get jiggy.
He don’t want no Pay Piggy.
......