Who are we?
What are we doing?
We are all stuck on this tiny blue and green rock floating in a galaxy in the vastness of space. Everyone has their own consciousness and life and hardships. Some people are addicted to drugs, some are wife-beaters, rapists, lawyers, doctors, mailmen, social workers, grocery store baggers, celebrities, etc. Some like me are just mentally ill teenagers trying to live in a fucked up world, having no idea what to do next or where to go.
How could someone possibly be this exhausted at only eighteen?
How could they possibly be ready to give up when they have barely begun trying?
Life wasn’t supposed to be like this right?
You have all these plans and ideas for yourself. Promise yourself that you were going to be different. That all the bad things that happened to you wouldn't cripple you, it would only make you stronger. You tried so hard to overcome it, to push it down and move past it.
You were gonna get out and do something with your life.
Be something.
Life wasn't supposed to be like this.
......
All my days had no colour and looked so grey
and I wished that my depression would go away.
Nothing excited me as I went through the motions.
No feeling of joy only such very sad emotions.
Nothing could lift my soul from its awful despair
there was just the darkness and gloom everywhere.
I was lost in the depths of my sorrow and pain
and I wondered if I would know laughter again.
......
I know it’s the afternoon
I know the sun exists
Though what I see
Only lives a lack of color
A lack of color
That’s so unappealing
Yet so striking
It screams without a soul
......
I should want get up
But I won’t
I should want to try harder
But I don’t
I should want to resist
But I can’t
I should want to find hope
......
The angels' wings are broken, their halos lie upon the floor,
I gave all I was to the heavens, and still they wanted more,
All I feel is the dread of waiting, all I know is to count my breaths,
I sit upon the cliff's rocky edge and contemplate how many are left.
And today I watched a vulture pick over a rabbit's rotting corpse,
And today my church told me this agony was a gift from the Lord,
Today my doctor told me this was par for the course,
Today I sat on the cliff's edge and considered falling on my sword.
......
I should want get up
But I won’t
I should want to try harder
But I don’t
I should want to resist
But I can’t
I should want to find hope
......
I walk for miles and miles
And see smiles upon miles
Wishing
Wishing for a smile to appear on me
But no matter the day
No matter the hour
I am as grey as clay
Wishing to feel that good one day
(sixteen)
As my wooden
clock slapped
twelve.
The glorious
October, dawned
to the
hideous
......
Who are we?
What are we doing?
We are all stuck on this tiny blue and green rock floating in a galaxy in the vastness of space. Everyone has their own consciousness and life and hardships. Some people are addicted to drugs, some are wife-beaters, rapists, lawyers, doctors, mailmen, social workers, grocery store baggers, celebrities, etc. Some like me are just mentally ill teenagers trying to live in a fucked up world, having no idea what to do next or where to go.
How could someone possibly be this exhausted at only eighteen?
How could they possibly be ready to give up when they have barely begun trying?
Life wasn’t supposed to be like this right?
You have all these plans and ideas for yourself. Promise yourself that you were going to be different. That all the bad things that happened to you wouldn't cripple you, it would only make you stronger. You tried so hard to overcome it, to push it down and move past it.
You were gonna get out and do something with your life.
Be something.
Life wasn't supposed to be like this.
......
All my days had no colour and looked so grey
and I wished that my depression would go away.
Nothing excited me as I went through the motions.
No feeling of joy only such very sad emotions.
Nothing could lift my soul from its awful despair
there was just the darkness and gloom everywhere.
I was lost in the depths of my sorrow and pain
and I wondered if I would know laughter again.
......