Subbie Vacc


To Runaway

My soul is in agony and nothing can comfort me.
I have abandoned God and I have forgotten that I have a mother who loves me.

My dog is the only one who will not judge me. He whines at me as if he's sharing in my pain and I cry all the more because I guess he understands.
I used to talk to him about existential things, but he behaves no more than a dog should: empathy yes, reasoning no.
Even in this pain I still laugh at how stink his breath is, but I love this little creature and he loves me too.
I tell him what bothers me, but he doesn't seem to care at all.

Here he comes again, poor creature, poorer me.

I sit on the couch and he whines some more. I'm too paralyzed with sadness to do anything, so he'll have to endure.
Does he cry for me or for himself? He wags his tail and stretch his legs. He's happy and I can't stand it!

My soul is in distress and even my heart is restless.
I plug my ears for silence, but my heart disturbs my fabricated peace.
I'd sail my phone through the window
I'd put my dog outside
I'd search the pantry again and try to find a hide.
I'd runaway from siblings, family and friends.
I'd runaway from this life of mine.

This is the reality of my life: worry, worry, debt, disappointment and discomfort.

I'd go online for pleasure.
I'd do anything to forget this life of mine.
Anything and everything. Nothing works and so I cry. I cry my eyes out. I'd cry out my soul. It bleeds unfamiliar languages and harbor fabricated lies.

I want to runaway from this life.
I've planned my escape, but the fortresses, the heffalumps are hard to overcome.

If only you know how much I want to runaway from this life.
To start over, to be whole, to be in love and to give love.
My soul is in agony and I just want release from this silent killer
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