My mistakes haunt me while I wait for something better to take their place
Their red and black tendrils twist and choke me in my dreams
My attempts to reach a dreamless oblivion never eventuated
The only souvenirs I collected from my voyages to the edge were a fresh set of regrets and a collection of moments I’d rather leave behind

Like the

Hurt in your eyes

Like the

question over and over
Why why why why why why why why why why did you do this

again

Like the

Cold sheets
hard bed
loud fast beeping
anxious white coats shouting
inconsolable howling that I didn’t realise for whole ten minutes was my own

Like the

Crimson bloodstains that bloom like an unwelcome rose, and unceremoniously stain the sheets

When my breath gives out and becomes nothing more than air funnelled through a tube,
I nearly become part of the stars I see in front of my eyes

The cosmos nearly collapse at my feet
But then they don’t.
These feet have taken steps in my life I can’t take back
But for every moment the world doesn’t collapse
I want to take a single step
In the right direction
Towards a life that’s worth something more
Where my dreams are not nightmares but flickers of light in the darkness of night
And I dare to dream of something more
Than dreamless oblivion