Zach Ascot

1994 - United Kingdom

Regret Square

Dark skies provide tonight’s slumber,
As your body rests,
Your mind turns over,
Meeting with those long forgotten and suppressed.
Welcome to where your regrets live,
It’s always raining here.
A dark-haired angel,
In a white lace dress,
Stands to face you.

Where are you headed?
A wedding or bright funeral?
Her eyes cold and crystal blue,
You know who I am,
The girl who believed in you.
Her hair slowly filtering the rain,
Trickling down wavy weathered locks,
Turning white lace to grey.

She holds my arm,
Her damp grasp soaking my sleeve,
I proclaimed the prophecy,
One day you will be a great success,
And the whole world will know your name,
She smiles,
But don’t forget who said it first.

I’m so sorry I’ve failed you,
I’ve been trying so hard,
She pauses,
Slowly raising her arm,
To rest a hand on my cheek,
Slowly caressing,
With a cold but loving touch,
A distant stare,
Fading out,
As if she was never there.

Return to your life,
Lingering in regret of the past,
Rest easy,
Soon to be forgotten,
Tonight should treat you better.

Returning to the centre of a large desolate courtyard,
Grey brick parameters tower overhead,
Dark cobbles collecting pools of water,
The lights are dim,
The rain is loud,
You’re not alone.

There she stands,
White soaked dress and dripping hair,
I loved you.
We promised each other everything,
But parted as strangers,
I vowed to make you happy forever more,
And ease your existence,
Yet here you stand,
Drenched by the rain,
Are you here for answers,
Or wishing things were the same?

Holding my hands,
She leans back,
Smiling as rain slowly cascades down her cheeks,
A flash of warmth,
A break from the weather,
Forcefully showing what could be,
Vivid beautiful moments,
Shared in everlasting bliss,
Bright and radiant,
Colour and closeness,
Now interrupted by dreary skies,
And large oppressive walls,
Closing in,
She pauses,
Holds my cheek with a distant stare,
And slowly fades away.

If only we had ignored our surroundings,
And listened to our hearts,
They always knew better.
I need to rest.

Rain lashing down,
The grey landscape set,
There she stands,
Waiting for you.

I can’t feel anything here apart from regret.
The rain cannot hurt me whilst my mind is on fire,
You always told me I’d make you happy,
That I was all you needed,
The rain bounces from the cold hard stones,
This storm never subsides.

Navigating your conscious existence,
With endless questions,
The reality is painful,
The fantasy beautiful,
There are no solutions.
Dreams that lead to nowhere,
A cruel trick of the mind,
A false flicker of hope,
Reminding you of what’s passed.
One day I will prove you right I promise,
Then maybe you can stay a little while longer.

As time moves on,
We separate further,
Connected through dreams,
Have you been searching for me too?
Two perfect fits,
Collided at slight angles,
Never to become one.
There is no answer,
I can’t fix this.
Slowly she reaches her arm towards my face,
Staring lovingly,
Please wait,
Don’t go.
I need you.
You always leave.
Her whole body begins to fade,
Slipping away to pale tints of grey,
Just stay!

Perhaps this story,
Our story,
Was never meant to move forwards,
But only to repeat for eternity,
The only woman who understood my soul,
Now gone,
Never to progress.

Now alone in the shrinking courtyard,
The rain never ceases,
Lower your head in defeat,
Feel the rain brush down your skin,
Soaked through,
Getting cold now.
Will see you again tomorrow.
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