Snakes And ladders

Anonymous

What did I do wrong- 1/20

What did I do wrong
Why do I always feel like this
Always getting hurt
So often and so much
By people I was so nice to
I’m tired of not giving a fuck
It physically hurts
Something inside me feels heavy
How can people not care
How do they walk past you
Like they never even loved you
What am I doing wrong
I want to be alone with my thoughts
Everyone I love leaves me
I don’t connect with anyone
There’s something wrong with me
I just want this all to end
I want people to stop walking over me
It comes in waves
I don’t care and then suddenly I do
But the pain feels worse than before
It comes all at the same time
I don’t get the point of everythinf
Everything seems pointless
You make fake friendships
Fake connections
Which don’t mean anything
You get attached
And when they’re done with you
They leave
But why are they always the one leaving
Why is it not me
It feels like everyone’s made like this
Everyone’s following a manual
But I’m not
I’m genuinely putting myself out there
And that’s why I get hurt
I want to help people
I try my best
But I always end up feeling alone
It’s not fair
I want to cause myself pain
I want to feel in control for once
Cutting myself doesn’t do much
I’m in the bath
I turn the water to hot
And wait for the water
To burn my skin
It feels good
It tingles a bit
I just want it all to end
I want this feeling to end
But I also kind of like it
I can’t understand myself
I can’t understand anything
What am I doing wrong
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