PYG's Whisper

November 17, 1991

One Autumn Night

I’m sitting alone in this damp street

No one but me and the moonbeams

Stars are shyly showing off their dazzling charm

The wind is passionately touching the tree’s silhouette

I'm silently watching them dancing to my mute melancholy

My volcano is strangely so wise tonight

My earthquake is finally constant

My tsunami is completely dry

No damaged fantasy

No query for a smashed memory

October’s moon is so plump

No more you within its sheen

I know, it’s a temporary truce

Between hate and love

I know I’ll crave you by noon

Yes I'm in the loop

But at this point, I'm over my love disaster

I'm missing you right now but I don’t lust for you

Obviously I'm thinking about you

But at this moment I don’t wanna behold you

You who carelessly watched me making out with sadness

And proudly locked me in the cage of loneliness

You who promised to keep me warm inside your chest

You who ghosted me with a cheap finesse

Instead of painting the vibrant amber, yellows, and reds of our 4th autumn

I'm writing the end of our finis chapter

Darling, I'm not hating you

But I'm not forgiving myself for loving you

For sending all my starry prayers only to you

For forgetting myself just to remember you

For sucking your anxiety just to hearten you

For dating the night just to meet you

For faking my satisfaction just to delight you

For believing the masquerade written by you

For cutting off what I needed and gave it to you

But I was invisible in your cold fortress

Where I thought I’d loose it with the flame of my romance

I was thrown away in your wizened forest

Where I believed I was your red tulips

In the end, I was your first falls leaf that fell from your sick tree

And set it free with a grip of an icy wind

Tonight, I'm lost on this wet sidewalk

Somewhere out of your zone

Aloof place where my broken heart was buried

I remember, you were my Bethlehem’s star

Everything was ridden by your shade

And I was a fool for believing that I was your sun

Sure, Love was never happy by my side

I lied to myself and now I’m paying off the debt

Tonight I'm stripping off my soul from its last ill hope

Tonight I'm on my knees apologizing to these sparkly creatures

For absorbing their spiritual energy

In order to protect who left me murdered

By the ghost of him

Who’s still dwelling within me

Tonight I'm dimming between these moving clouds

Losing myself to this wistful breeze

Weaving my torn spirit with hued autumnal notes

Before waking up from this dream

And back to beg my heart to stop begging you

Tomorrow I’ll fall again, break down again, and get rejected again

But tonight I'm giving up on my life

This life called ‘YOU’…
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