There was but one fine eve
When I took me off for a stroll,
I wandered down to the corner pub
Where I planned to drink meself into a hole.
The night started off grand enough
I filled my belly with lager,
I drank enough most men would say
To make a grown horse stagger.
But I bein' the who that I am
Can drink enough to float a cow,
And tonight bein' a frigid one
I'd be drinkin' to warm me some how.
So there but dont ye know it
I drank to meself like a fish,
Until i saw a wee little fella
Who said he'd grant me just one wish.
So's I thought to meself
For a moment or two,
Wonderin' way out loud
Just what it is I should do?
And then it came to me in flash
That wish I'd be wishin for me,
That the fair bonnie lass ore' there
Would not be mindin a kiss ye see.
Now I swear I heard the blessin's
Of that wee little bugger out loud,
And what he'd be sayin' was the Lassie
Had agreed one kiss be allowed.
So I santered and I staggered
To where alone she'd be sittin,
And I paid her a mind to her beauty
In a manner most befittin'.
But alas and forlorn t'would seem
I'd be drinkin a pint to much lager,
For my words that came aflyin' out
Sent her off like an old Irish banger!
Up off her chair she rightly flew
And cuffed me upside me head,
Said I'd best be learnin' me manners
If we intended to wed.
To wed I said not so Lassie
That's not what I'd be proposin'!
All I'd be wantin' to see
Would be our bodies composin'.
Now I have to admit of all the bulbs
I'd not be the brightest lit,
For that wee bonnie lassie can surely
Pitch herself a real royal fit!
I soon found meself to be duckin'
Everythin' she tossed me way,
Until I finally decided
Valour is the smarter part of me day!
For there's nothin' close to cuddlin'
When your Lassie pulls out her claws,
So's I staggered on out t'back
A rubbin me newly bruised jaw.
Tis the way of the Irish woman
When ye cross the line they be makin',
So's if you don't mind me lager and I
Will be goin' off to soak what'd be achin'!