Standing on the platform, desperately trying to conform. Longing to fit in.
These thoughts inside my head, they tell me I’m better off dead. What if I just took one step forward, then another… and another. Knowing that the next train would surely smother… me.
I’m a prisoner in my own mind, some may say I’m one of a kind but I don’t think so. I’m just a warrior fighting daily battles just like anybody else, right? Wrong. We may all struggle but I am in my own fight. My own mind. One of a kind.
I and my suitcase are boarding the train now. I managed to fight and resist the urges somehow.
Seated, Feeling defeated. One headphone in my ear listening to some new pop song. I’m people watching as other desperate souls walk along the platform beside me.
The train moves and I feel trapped in my own head. Remember what that song once said, “don’t worry, be happy”. Well, I try daily and it just feels worse and worse as time goes on.
The train has stopped but it isn’t my stop. Still sitting here watching. Listening to my heart beating out of my chest. My whole body pulsating as it all gets too much.
Anxiety rushing through my veins, feeling trapped in my set of invisible chains. Looking at me, nobody would know how trapped I am within my own prison walls.
Once again the train is moving, The time is around 20 to ten and my head is spinning. I feel people’s eyes on me, staring. In reality, everyone is uncaring.
“Nearly there,” I tell myself, trying to ease the terrifying state of my mental health. Only five minutes to go. The train begins to slow. All I can smell is the morning coffee on people’s breath as they pass.
The train has stopped. I drag my suitcase off of the train and take a huge sigh of relief. I’m calmer now I know I get to see you. The crowds almost split as I watch you come through.
Happy at last. Standing on the platform with no need to conform. I can be free. I can be me.