Izzzy A

January 21 - Ottawa
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there's a spider in the corner of your room.

there's a spider in the corner of your room
the spider is always there
the spider has always been there
you can't crush the spider
you can't leave the room
you know that if the spider bites you then everything you know will be gone
but you have no idea when it's going to

everyone else is trapped in a room with a spider too but they don't seem to notice
you feel like you're going crazy
you attempt to explain to someone else your situation
you explain that they're in that situation too
you explain that the spider will take away your world at any moment
and for some reason, they can't understand
for some reason, they can't see it

you try ignoring the spider but it doesn't work for long because it's always lurking in the corner of your eye
always staring from afar and never moving despite it feeling closer at times
you try accepting the fact that you can't stop the spider but you're just so scared
you want to be angry at the spider
you want to yell and scream at the spider
you want to destroy everything it cares about
but at the end of the day it's not the spider's fault it made it's home in the corner of your room
it's not your fault you're trapped in that room

the fact you have no one to be angry at just makes it so much harder
all you feel is fear and grief
fear of the spider that could destroy you at any moment
grief over everything you're going to lose

you almost get fed up with waiting for it to bite you
you almost reach out yourself
you almost offer your hand to it
but you're so scared
and you somehow still have hope
you still hope the spider won't ever bite you
you still hope that the spider will give you something better than that room you're trapped in
deep down you know that's not how it is
you know that there's nothing
but sometimes ignorance is better than nothing
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