baby panda

December 10, 2001 - Malaysia
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Marigold Heart

*trigger warning: mentions of death and violence.*

be careful of the thin ice
thin smiles
razor sharp edge

there’s always a heartbreak
numbing all the pain

so there goes the beat
of the drone
of the thoughts
of the never ending high

you say i’m insane
i say you just got lucky

listen to the demons now
look into the mirror
they have something to say
and its all in the eyes

see the cracks?
see the claws?
see the void inside my head?

can you hear it?
the screams and the sobs
yet you can’t look away

you flinch
and you squirm
and its funny
you’re afraid

“bottoms up now”
you always said
down the pain
down the guilt
“don’t waste a drop”

(you fed the demons, didn’t you know?)

“move on”
“step up”
“keep going, dude!”

it’s easy to say
isn’t it?

you don’t care
you never did
so stop the lying
and the act

its a pity you’ll never see
the thin ice breaking

(nobody saw it coming)

there’s a glass on the table
glass on the floor
glass in my eyes
and the gateway to heaven

“you mean gateway to hell?”
was your question
“is there a difference?”
is my answer

i see spirals and splinters
endless spinning
bent time fogged over
with bitter edges

tell you what
i found the secret
drugs are worthless
your mind is enough

(how far can it go?)

where does it end?
this is getting a little tedious

it’s too dry
it’s too long
is it too much for you?

yes that was a sex joke
because i never learn better
if i did
i wouldn’t be here
i’d be dead

the fuse is still fizzling
and this is where you ask
“will the sky light up
when it runs out?”

yes it will
but will it be
a splatter of lights
or a splatter of blood?

(it can only go as far as you want it to.)
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