Aspen M

September 23, 2000 ~ Indiana, US
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Tracing Crumbs

Electric

Bolts across spine, down arms

Shocks wrists

Tingles palms

Tickles upon my neck, shivers my thighs

Your eyes fluttering within mine

Blonde butterflies, brimming with a brisk summer sky

Shorter, back then

Littler, then

Softer

Palm grazing mine

Heart skipped all the way home

˚˚˚

Metal tin

Clangs down the stairs

Socks scramble after it

Caught before the final step

Tripped

Fell

Tangled knot upon a disheveled rug

Twist of wrists, ache of knees

Bruised calf

Open the lid, lick cracked lips

Peeking in

Yay!

Closed lid, untangled legs

Leave the tangled mass in my heart, my constant and familiar

Goodbye freedom, taste of emptiness, foggy void upon soul & across mind

Welcome

˚˚˚

I wake up

Drops of dew wrestle across the tent

A lonely moth flutters

Dawn peeks within

Turn over

Asleep

You

Heart soft, smooth

broken

Still beating

Faster

Hair tickling your forehead, peeping out of your arms

Eyelashes fluttering with each breath

The burn of a cold breeze

Your fingers, small, smaller than mine

Same age, yet you are already stronger

Muscles quiver in your sleep

Curve of your biceps, tide of your ears

Heat under my eyelids

Hover of your silhouette

Bite my lip

Turn over

˚˚˚

Hot autumn sun, chilly September breeze

Cascade of leaves, kiss of fog

An afternoon with you

The tin is dented & looks pitiful in the light.

Faded, worn.

Heart climbs throat, screaming in my temples.

Skin hot

You walk up to me

I know it all

The way your knees bend, how you hold your arms

Your head, always poised up, greets the world

Crinkles in your socks, folds when you smile, curls of your leg hair, bulge in your shorts

If only I had a sketchbook

If only I could draw

You could

Nothing you couldn’t do

Carry my heart, superman by the age of thirteen

Smile at me, pat my shoulder

Was I smiling back?

“Here!”

Thrust the tin out

Slight quiver, wrists unreliable

Your fingers were cold

Always cold.

You linger

Grip upon my heart

Take a bite, crumbs adrift on the breeze

I watched them tumble and toss

Dream of your hands,

Curling, tight, gentle

Your thighs, firm, warm

Pull my gaze away, tingle across my cheeks

Was it raining?

Not a cloud in sight

I could feel the cracking, over and under the music

Inside, within, between

My chest

So forlorn

˚˚˚

You track me, dream after dream

Peeta to my Katniss

Pretty orange sunset upon my restless mind, shining through, within

Please don’t let this end

˚˚˚

“Zones E and F, now boarding.”

Boarding pass, backpack, cold metal hall

Numb floor, numb feet

My fingers, too warm

I would tear apart this, atom by atom

Scatter it so far

Einstein couldn’t find

You, looking at me, drifting by, behind, before, beside...

Always reaching, your hand brushing mine

Nothing

I knew everything about you, then

Your smell in the morning, voice in the middle of the night

An abyss, abandoned by all except anger, calling your name

Icicles hanging off a toppling shed, pebble triggering an avalanche

˚˚˚

Reached my seat

Looked down

Crumbs upon the fabric

Your breeze, everywhere

Remnants, fragments, memories

Chase me until my legs give out

You could always outrun me

But I couldn’t find you

Why weren’t you somewhere up ahead?

˚˚˚

Thighs touching

Yours was warm

Hair tangled, tickled

Pencils scribbling quiet, paper etched & worn

Science around us, chemistry, geology

How could I learn? think? look?

At anything other than…

Your hand, your thigh

I find evolution, written across your palms

I trust math, our hearts dancing in synchrony

Adore philosophy, my ultimate inquiry...

Him

You

˚˚˚

Crumbs inside cafeteria, scattered upon your shirt

Can’t reach out to brush them away

Gulp

Warm

Is everyone staring?

Warm

Foot forward, foot forward

Faster

Slower

Look calm

Door clicking, locked

Salty silhouettes across my cheeks

Shadows I know you won't see

˚˚˚

A paper falls from your pocket

Glimmer of cursive adrift within the air

A convolution, contortion

You are my refreshment, thunderstorms in July, greenness of grass in March

Four leaf clover clinging to a glass of lemonade

This bitterness could no longer distract me

Feeling of finality

Your song powers mine

Picturing, feeling, breathing

You

Piano is broken, harp not strung

The music was gone, song of silence

˚˚˚

How much candy heals one heartbreak?

Goodbye

˚˚˚

The spring sun warmed my cheeks

Grass stroked my bare ankles

Trees bud, birds chatter

Flicker at the corner of my eye

Trail of ants dart past

Circular, chunky

I lean in

Crumbs?

Blink

Image plays across my mind

Fox kit in the road from the other day

Still

Morphs into…you

Blink

Was that?

Blink

Black line meandering across white frosting

Other side of the world

Decade since I saw you

The ants were carrying cake

Bits & bites, home

Pitter patter, all around

Trail of crumbs

Track it to the horizon, across the ocean

Mountains, cities, nights, stars

Trace all the way back

To you

˚˚˚
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