Seren VonStein

6 November 1998

Self Repairs

I felt excitement
You sent me a text
And all the resentment
Melted away.

I saw you,
I heard you,
And I remembered.

I ignored my intuition,
The lack of recognition
Lit the ignition
For the fire that burned my hands
When they reached for the flame once more

The hope you extended
Crumbled into false realities
I ignored for fake guarantees
My body is not a fantasy,
Don't reach for me,
Your hands will only feel calamity
You meet at the heart of your disbelief,
Stealer of hearts
Breaker of parts
That you've ripped apart
From the clockwork of my functionality

Your touch is my disease,
Your gaze makes me freeze
In place
Seeing your face
Brings back memories
I wish I could replace
But all I can do
Is fix what others have broken
In myself.

So I roll up my sleeves,
Pick up the scattered parts
You left, try to thaw the freeze
My heart was left in
From the cold winter
Your loss made me feel.

I pick up my tools,
Go to work.
I am a fool,
You see I keep falling for those
Who care less for me
But while I fix myself
Repair my broken would-bes
Make myself a future
That I'll be proud to see,
I rip away from the burning past
So the flames will stop hurting me,
Put balm on the wounds
You never cared to see
I'll reach for my happiness
The way you never reached for me,
And one day when I look at myself
I'll be happy with what I see.
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