Mishack Madubandlela

August 10, 2000 - Barberton, Mpumalanga, South Africa
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My Flaws And All

Even if we both break down tonight
I know everything will be alright
I've made a lot of mistakes
Thinking maybe I should pack my keepsakes
Even when we fight and I tell you I'd be better alone
But you know that's not true
That's the pride talking
I always have a point to prove
But that's just my mind talking

Apparently, you don't like to be yelled at
That's how I felt in the school I got expelled at
I don't like seeing you like this
But I know I'm the one that made you like this
I don't like to be wrong
But I make a lot of mistakes
Even to the wrong people
Now, after everything I put you through
You still love me and you want to push through
I'm making you go through a lot
Now, I can't even get close to you
I know I'm not good at trusting
But I let you know me and all my hustling
Yet, because of my stupid self, I remain a detriment now
If I didn't know any better I'd wonder how
But I know Newton's first law
If your heart was the law,
I'd be serving for life now
I've broken it so many times I've lost count
But only a real fool would be brave enough to keep track of all their flaws
My demons tell me to keep and hang them up on the wall

All I want is to put a smile on that face
And that means I should get rid of them all
All my lies and truths: I was never able to face
Now, I've messed up so bad I can't rectify
Feels like my flaws and all just multiply
I was never ready for this
I was never ready for you
I was never ready for your love, care and affection
I think it's too much
A lot more than I need or deserve because I fail to pay attention
Of course, I'm so broke I can't afford you lunch
Now, all my dreams, feelings and fantasies are disappearing
But you always find a way of reappearing
You bring the sunshine to my dead garden
The difference between a cemetery and a garden is what you put in the ground
But I doubt that mine has any plants planted underground
Instead I keep a lot of my keepsakes and flaws under there as ornaments to darken my life everyday
You always make means to brighten up my life in every way

Honestly, I'm a wreck if you look into my soul
Pitiful as I may be...
I never let my pride aside
I guess that's why I was never able to move on
Or maybe that's because I move too quickly to understand the process of healing
I never let my past stay in the past
All my flaws and all keep showing up
They keep showing up in glam
As I'm drowning in a dam
A dam of beautiful, calm still never moving and never ending shame, regret and despair
I'm drowning without raising my hand up for a grasp of air
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