Marra Makinen

May 1, 2000 - San Diego
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Unnamed

Your friends are coming to visit today.
I’m thinking about it
About meeting them
But my mind is slipping into thoughts about why they are here
Why I must meet them

These thoughts are transitioning into thoughts on work
And how, when I first started working
I noticed how strange it was
That we were all just teenagers doing meaningless jobs
Because we were instructed to do so

I feel like I can catch a blip on a screen
Of where I am currently sitting
And what may actually be happening-
In the psychosphere

I feel like I could wake up,
Like I only know your friends are coming to visit
Because you’ve been talking to my lifeless body on a hospital bed
And I’ve subconsciously absorbed your words;
This feeling is so strange-
As if I am dreaming or floating between levels of consciousness
I’m worried that I’ve made this all up in my head
But you said you have friends coming over today-
How could I know that if you hadn't told me?
How could I know that if I were unconscious?

A part of me knows that I must be ridiculous-
To think that none of this is real
When it is all so tangible and present
But part of me knows that it’s not insane to think this isn’t real-
That I’m instead slowly sinking into a hospital bed,
Where my skin latches onto the linen sheets, begging not to be ripped away
Just as I beg not to be ripped away from this reality
Just as I beg not to be ripped away from you.
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