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Afraid of reaction

I’m scared that when I see them, they’ll look at me with sorrow. I’m scared that if it comes up, I’ll cry.

I’m scared of their reaction, of our conversation and of my feelings.

I’m supposed to be strong, but I can’t if I don’t know what I have to protect myself against.

I want to be with them, but how can I? I’m not strong enough to face reality or to accept that he’s dead.

But there’s no turning back, there’s nothing to do, I just have to try.

But I want to go back.
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