baby panda

December 10, 2001 - Malaysia
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i guess you think you know pain
until it shows you a different face
a broken bone, a haggard face in the mirror you cant bear to look at

a heartbreak you barely survive
(i swear i thought i was dying)

i guess you think you know love
until the day you realise you dont
and you have to learn it
learn what it is, learn how to love
learn how to be loved
inch by overwhelming inch

i think i get it now
pain is the doorway of birth
a phoenix rises from ashes
and a human rises from pain
thank you, thank you
i have to let you go now
(ive been saying that for ages)
even if i cant forget you
(cant let myself forget you)

thank you for the scratches
at the back of my throat
from the gritty nails of the screams
that never made it out my mouth
thank you for your name that you
etched on my heart with a gleaming knife
when you looked into my eyes and asked me
if i remember your name
i bled my answer and the answer is yes
i stopped bleeding but the lines scabbed over
the scars are still there and
the red is in my eyes
the answer is still yes
and i think it will be yes forever

thank you for showing me
how deep i could feel
and i felt like the little mermaid
walking down the newly forged road
every step was a stab to the heart
but i smiled through it all
(because i was walking with you)

thank you for showing me
how strong i was
how strong iam
how strong i can be

in the end whats left
is the few letters i wrote for you
wrinkled at the edges
yellowed with time, spotted with tears

i can't bring myself to burn them
anymore than i can bear reading them


in the end the sun shines and no longer bleeds
in the end the stars glow and the wounds close
in the end the heart heals and the scars stay
the past is forgiven
and the one loved still
none is forgotten
but none is missed
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