baby panda

December 10, 2001 - Malaysia
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On Being Reinvented

it's been a long time coming
i finally found myself and
i think thats worth rejoicing

i may have a hard life ahead of me
i may not know how my story will end
but right now i have the cool morning mist
right now i have the warm sun on my skin
right now i have hot meals and hot showers
right now i have everything i need
to appreciate life for what it is

for the time being i am content
being borrowed lines of philosophy
being a patchwork of all my experiences
just being
and i think that's worth rejoicing

how did i get here, you ask?
i suppose it's quite a quaint story
i had been deconstructing myself
for quite a long time
brick by brick, what i knew of myself
faded away
i thought i was losing myself
but you see, i was really only
finding myself for the first time

one day when i closed my eyes
the last brick fell away and
with the final barrier gone
i dissolved into the fabric of the world
as a drop of rain falls into the ocean
like a child i saw the world
like a soul unborn
and i realised that i am love
and i am everything i love in the world
the sun, the wind, the rain, the gentle caress of my family

and when i opened my eyes
the world shone like a opal in the sun
colourful, warm, alive
as alive and as fiery as i am

i entered life as a creature of the earth
and i emerged a being of light
no less flawed
no less fallible
no less human
yet loved, lovable, and loving

for quite a while i struggled
to make sense of the revelation
existing became quite uncomfortable
what i was became now what i grieved

but as more time passed
life became undeniably more vibrant
as i shed the last of my old skin
if i had to give it a face
i can only say it was grace
it was unconditional love
it matters not from whom nor for whom
only that it exists
and i am part of it

and i think that’s worth rejoicing
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