baby panda

December 10, 2001 - Malaysia
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slow dancing in a room, my soul is
dancing in the champagne light
that shines through the windows
the soft warmth soothes my red skin
soothes my blue soul

the movement of my white dress
stirs the air and the dust of my memories, the
hazy, beautiful details of my life
glitter in a million unique ways
as i move to the ebb and flow
of my ageless soul

the light kisses my face as i turn and
i am at once immortal, mortal, everything in-between
i am at once one, fifty, a hundred years old
i am at once the virgin, the mother, the crone
i hold within me all the insignificant moments in life, all the more significant
for the comfort they bring
in joy, in sorrow, in grief

eyes closed, i a s c e n d

i am the swaying grass in a dewy morning field
the birdsong filling the air with freedom and my soul with endless space

i am the sunrise and the clouds
i am the music that heals the lonely traveller
i am the tears that liberate the broken
i am the fiery first kiss, the heavy last goodbye

i am the spark in the soul, the dandelion by the road
i am the comforting darkness, the solitary soul occupying the park bench


i still my body and
for a split second i am the world
and i explode
into the first fall of snow
the butterflies in a warm body
i explode into the burst of champagne at a college birthday
the shimmering confetti at a wedding
i explode into the the first firework of the new year
the cheers of a joyful crowd
vibrant, heartbreakingly alive
a short-lived moment, a moment lived nonetheless

my foot slides across the smooth wooden floorboards
touches instead the soil and the earth
the life seeps into me, the calm placates me
i hear the crash of waves and smell the crisp wild wind
as it surrounds me, makes my dress flow like water
(the dress my mother made for me
the dress i wore to my first birthday
and the dress i will wear on my deathbed)
and i am weightless

i was weightless before i was born
i will be weightless after i die
freed from the shackles of a body

i will exist in the tinkling laugh of a baby
the innocent gaze of a child
the milk moustache of every middle school student in a rush to school

i will be the bit of ice cream
at the edge of your lover’s mouth
i will be the surprise candies given by parents to their children

i will linger in the doorway of life and hold the it open for the passing
so that they see a friendly face, a familiar gesture
get a reassuring pat on the back
before they step into the unknown


my hand reaches for an uncertain future
my soul yearns for the nothing more than
all the small things in the world
and then it will be enough
it will be enough.


Inspired by:
Bloom by Sush and Yohan Music
Patience by The Lumineers
This Love (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift
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