Allison Anderson

February 17,1999 Connecticut
Send Message

How do I explain? (A poem about Borderline personality disorder)

How do I explain
That my emotions are painful
That happiness is euphoria
That anger is blinded rage
That love borders obsession
How do I explain
That my emotions are my enemy
That sadness is suicidal thoughts
That pain is an agonizing fire that consumes me
That emotions are a hurricane
That merged with a tornado and tear away at my body from the inside out
And eventually, reach the people around me
How do I explain
That my actions aren’t always under my control
That the only thing I can feel
Without wanting to break
Is the pain of my own doing
How do I explain
That everyone leaves when I break
Because if you’re in my vicinity
And don’t head my warnings to leave me alone
I lash out with hurtful words and actions
That’ll hurt and break you down
Only for me to regret them soon after
And take it all out on myself
How do I explain
That being alone when I don’t want to be
Turns into an intense battle
A vicious war with myself
To not breakdown and lash out at the ones I love
And to instead remember to stop and breathe
To process reality rationally
How do I explain
That I can’t do things like everyone else
That the simplest task
Become a life or death situation
That it makes me want to scream
How do I explain
That my mind is broken
And I hope you don’t leave
Because the monsters in me are terrible
And I’m still learning to control them
How do I explain
That I fear the love I’m shown
Even though I crave it
That part of me trusts the people close to me
And another part can’t believe a word they tell me
Tell me how do I explain
The mind that is ruled by different personalities
That all feel the pain of a single disorder
That’s so stigmatized by the world
How do I explain
Borderline Personality Disorder
70 Total read