White Lightning

July 20, 2000 - Bengaluru

A Confession

I have got a confession to make,
A special confession to a certain someone.
Clawing at my insides, when I sleep, when I wake,
I cannot ignore it, I cannot run.

So often, have I put a plan in place,
And resolved to let her know.
But every time I see her face,
I just can't seem to let go.

The hesitation seems irrational,
For so trivial a confession.
But when it comes from within, passional,
The tension just doesn't seem to lessen.

It really shouldn't be difficult,
To look a friend in the eye,
Stay confident, stay typical,
And reveal what's on your mind.

But what if you consider her more than a friend,
And want to tell her how you feel?
All of a sudden you're nervous then,
When it actually shouldn't be such a big deal.

I find myself unable to proceed,
With what I had set out to do.
To confess is what I truly need,
But without encouragement, motivation, I can't pull through.

I turn to the trusted, I don't think twice,
Their absolute inexperience doesn't bother me.
I listen to their thoughts, opinions, advice,
And everything falls in place, seems easy.

I am resolute once again,
Fuelled by friendship, a new boost of energy.
This time I feel confident,
Just waiting to seize the right opportunity.

The wait continues, prolongs, dies,
But the opportunity never comes.
It is then that I realise,
How desperate I have become.

I feel doubt corrupting my mind,
"What if I'm not good enough?"
I try to leave those thoughts behind,
Believing that I'm made of sterner stuff.

Then, another question comes up,
"What if there's someone else?"
I'm on the verge of giving up,
I stand no chance in hell!

Yet, I decide to give it one last shot,
But I'm not ready, something's amiss.
What if things get awkward, a friendship lost?
Am I willing to take that risk?

I realise what to do at last,
And try hard to forget it all.
But somehow, I find myself venturing into the past,
And I just can't move on at all.

I can't hold it in forever,
And live with the regret,
Of never having tried ever.
I can't let her go just yet.

I have come to a realisation,
And for once, it feels right.
I feel a sense of elation,
As the truth comes to light.

That truth is that I love her,
And it maybe hard to face.
But I need to know her answer,
So, milady, what do you say?
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