Trevor Paul

March 9th, 2000 - Canada
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a lost student's perspective on love

I have to ask myself this question. Why did I ever stop writing? Why have I never shared my writing to the world. Maybe it has to do with my inability to love anything I do. I guess when I thought when I was writing this, my perspective would be a romanticized mumbo jumbo about the girl if been obsessing over since the day I met her. But I think I need to write something about someone else. How can I love a girl so unconditionally and yet fail to give any love to myself?

I think its safe to say I’ve got things I need to work on. But I can’t seem to shake this feeling of love that she makes me feel. Everything just comes easy with her. I don’t hide who I am and I just want to hold her in my arms and never let go. This may sound dumb but I can already see me getting married to her. The fact that I can love this girl so much and yet, fail to be kind to myself makes me realize that there is more to love then just family, friends and relationships.

Self love is a concept that many of us struggle to let into our lives. The entire population of young adults know how important this form of love is to one another. Yet so many of us struggle daily to say one nice thing about ourselves. I guess my incapability to love myself drives from a deep dark pit inside my heart. I’ve always described my heart as an empty cauldron with a leak at the bottom. Can always be refilled, but will eventually empty. Left with nothing but a numbness, empty and depressive feeling.

But it doesn’t have to end in darkness. Many amazing events drive from love. It is not only the act of marriage that defines what love is. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, just like the human body. And the human body, that’s where love was born. Our heart can only define what we see love is. My heart see’s love in hopefulness. One day I will feel that ultimate love. But that’s just my perspective.
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