P Jane

September 8, 2003
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Falling in Love (a clique)

I was careless,
I lived without care, in front of those whom I cared for,
Until I cared about you.

At the start, I woke with you, showered with you, and laughed with you.
I did not care which light you saw me in,
I payed no mind to where you touched me,
I saw you as an aspect of my life, one meant for fun and for a moment,
Until I cared about you.

And then I began to pay attention to the light you saw me in,
I obsessed over it.
Our time together has been short, but is lit by a roaring fire,
and I have been trying to put out.

Now, as I think your name my heart feels warm.
I do not know what love is, but I think this is the start.
For when I imagine you, I cannot hold back a smile.
I picture us together and I become numb to any thought but that of you.

I do not know what love feels like.
But when I am in your clothes and the breeze is sharp while we look into the city, I feel close.
When I am in the presence of you, my mind is incapable of thinking a thought that strays from you.

But I am afraid that I will lose myself while being with you.
I am worried that I will think about you in such a high light that I forget about my own.
I am terrified that you will leave and I will be left as a shell of the person I made myself to be when I moved alone to this big city with the sole purpose of finding myself, but then I found you.

I do not know what love is,
I am scared I am making myself be in love, that I am manufacturing this situation in my mind which will inevitably set me up for failure and disappointment.
I wonder what is in my head, and what is reality,

But I did not dream our moments together,
I did not manufacture the night we promised to show up for each other.
The alcohol blurs the moment, but I remember what you said you felt for me; that should be all I need.
That is all I need.

For what if it works out better than I ever imagined?
I will entertain that.
For I am terrified, but I think I am falling in love.
I do not know what love is, but I think it could start with you.
And that is all I need.
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