Mom
I was afraid
You might live to be 100
Entrusted to my care
Your other children relieved you were safe
Believed you were safe
Were you safe?

I can work now and not worry that you’re lonely
Or bored
Or being pushed through walls by strangers
You just want to go home
What was the meaning of this rigamarole?

I no longer stare at the clock
On my computer as I work
It’s time
For you to get up

I open your door
I am always afraid
The body pillow lies over your chest
Or your eyes
It has replaced your covers
It is your way now

Are you breathing?
I call your name
Push it aside
It is time to get up

Eyes still shut tight
Your arm flails blindly
Where is the bed rail?
You hit metal and grasp
The day has begun

It is hard to get up
It is hard
To uncross your legs
To move your body towards the edge
I grab your hand and pull you
Upright

Fingers curled
You push against the mattress
I will not leave
Until you are up safely

An hour passes
I’ve spilt your blood
Cuffed your arm
You drink coffee and eat breakfast
Take your pills
And settle in with Rachel Ray
Or Drew Carey

And so it goes
Without complaint
While I retreat
Upstairs
To work
I’ll be back
To check on you

The days fly by
The days drag by
There are lunches
And walks
And games
And dinners
And pills
The occasional shrill of your phone

There are visits to doctors who check your sores
Your feet
Your teeth
Your heart
Your eyes
Your brain

There are visits from daughters
While we steal away
Guiltily
To the cabin
To recharge

And now you are here
In this cold place
of constant light and noise
You listen to the sounds
Strain to see the activity around you
Sip your liquid diet of coffee and soup broth and juice
You hear someone call for paddles

You want to go home
How can you connect with someone outside?
No one knows you are here
It’s a big hill to climb

You will come home, I am sure
Cannot imagine another outcome
Even while your breathing becomes labored
And your heart beats erratically

You talk to family I cannot see
Standing by the walls in this tiny crowded room
My how tall you have gotten!

The phone rings
Breaks the quiet of this dark night
Of goblins and ghosts
I rush to your side
Squeeze in amongst the nurses
Your hand is cold and your eyes do not open
I’m here
I love you
You will be okay
I’m here
I love you

You are breathing hard

And then you are not

It’s time for sleep
Peaceful sleep

Sleep well, Mom