Jeffrey Pipes Guice

New Orleans

I’m So Frickin Popular

Have you tried midlife internet dating...
Where everyone plays the game...
Photoshopped social media images...
Where everyone looks the same...

I sell the most real estate in the city...
And drive the best car money can buy...
Pour me another martini, please…
It’s time for me to get high...

My clothes are always so perfect...
My kids are beautiful, as well...
We eat out at the very best restaurants...
But is my life just a living hell...

My best friend ran off with my ex-husband...
I’m glad to see the nasty bitch go...
He’ll buy her new boobs and some diamonds...
Parade her at the Westminster Dog Show...

They deserve to be with each other...
I outgrew him; he was terrible in bed...
She’s still sleeping with her tennis instructor...
I’d be better off if they both were just dead...

Now I’m looking for that perfect next husband...
Maybe that doctor who just left his third wife...
I’ll be the perfect catch for him...
And show him the time of his life...

Yes, if only I could find my next husband...
On an internet dating sight...
I’d rock him for the rest of his life...
Or at least for one long, lonely night...

I’m so frickin popular and pretty…
My life is perfect for all to see...
Hidden behind this fake facade...
Trying to hide the real lonely me...

© 2021 Jeffrey Pipes Guice
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