Derrick Nolan

June 14, 1999- Missouri
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Anguished, addicted, and adulterated
Barricaded behind bathroom doors
Consistently consuming your every thought
Dopamine dissolved into drugs
Evolving into an everlasting euphoria
Figmented only in your fantasy. Feeling
Guilt grow in your gut, while getting
High in hopes it will hinder the humiliation.
Ignorantly illuded in the idea that it's not that injurious.
Jitters justified by just being tired, or just being hungry.
Keeping secrets from me that are already known.
Larceny accompanied by lying to the “love of your life.”
Money mysteriously missing without me
Noticing. Neglectfully not noticing how
Ostracized it obstructed you from others.
Particularly your parents… partners… professionals. All
Questioning why you just can't quit. You
Responding with your reasons why, relapsing once again.
Syringes scattered in drawers you’re saving.
Telling yourself, This is truly the last time. Though
Urging me to understand the undeniable truth that
Victory over addiction hardly ever comes to its victims.
Wishing your will was stronger.
X’s and O’s signed as if exonerating yourself in love notes.
Yet you still condemn yourself year after year. As
zealous as I am, zero of my help matters.
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