Brady Stewart

August 8th, 2002 - Pontiac Michigan
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My Pride Resides in Her Smile

Momma, I know you've beaten down my mind,
But oh, the ways I remember
How you've been whipped by God.
I recall your force-fed tears,
The illness of loneliness.
I want to cry,
Recalling bedtime
Knowing we heard your cries,
Yet you couldn't stop.
I don't understand why I was traumatized,
But it trickled down.
I hope I'll never know what it's like,
Being in your forties, knowing
You're not the mother you wished to be,
The nurturing presence you meant to be,
That your little self imagined oh-so wistfully

I cry with that past of us,
But I also laugh in your embrace,
Oh-so willing to hold me
despite our darkness.
You will never be able to re-do our rearing.
Which is perfect, because
My heart grew larger with every whimper
And to calm your voice brought me peace.
So do not dwell.
I know you are
I know you so well
Do not ask me to forgive you,
I forgave you moment by moment
And never ceased to love you.
I never regretted being born,
Those were lies only meant to hurt you
I always knew I loved my life,
For I could love you the way that
Kept you alive
I didn't lose a childhood
But I've gained a heart of melancholy
Forever you shall live in my mind,
Beheld by your glory, momma
My pride resides in your smile
You brought life to my world, Momma
It has been worth the while
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