I watch you
And I listen to you talk
Of all the things
You are going to do
Of all the inspiration
You are getting
Of all the ways
You are moving on
On from us
“I know I am supposed to be moving on..”
You say as though you have some kind of
Instructions
I know you already are
I can see it in ‘your big ‘eyes
I can feel it by the way you
Speak
The way your mouth is moving
You talk and talk and talk
Speaking of your art
Of you being inspired
Enveloped by creating
I sit here
On the front steps
Of my grandfather's house
In the darkness
Looking at you
Somewhere in California
And you looking back
at me
a silent square of black
I struggle to find a cigarette
The flame flickers
My face appears on my screen
I glance to see if I look fat
If I look uglier
I almost forgot about you
Still passionately speaking
Endlessly
Unbearable Platitudes
So deeply self-indulgent
I still miss you
I am still confused
By everything
I long for someone
I long for friends again
I long for feeling inspired
Passionate
I long to feel anything at all
I am terrified
Of myself