Back on a summers day,
Back in the early days of 5.
I dreamed of being a princess,
Every 5 year old girl’s dream.

My father had other plans,
“You can’t be a princess, it's not a real job”.
How odd that must have sounded to a,
A child building kingdoms in her head.

Back in school, the fun days of 10,
I had met my match of fractions.
Number like the walls of Troy,
Fractions the arrow that struck my heel.

My father sat me at the kitchen table,
“Do them, come on. Its not that hard.”
Showed me a mountain covered with bombs
But it was just teaching me for the future.


Oceans were poured out of me that day,
The paper sunk like the titanic,
The ink flowed like blood.
The first time I ever hated him.

Back in the lonely days of 11,
My friends had vanished like chalk in rain
I sat alone.
Were they even real friends?

My father told me not to worry,
I would find better ones.
To move on.
Little did he know how much it had already affected me.

Back in the days of first year,
I was the victim
I was the bold robot my dad had forged,
The spirit they wanted to blow.

My father told me,
I’d be fine and to continue working
So I did
Till these equations were carved into my skull.

Back in second year,
I had mentioned I wanted to be an artist.
Paint over the bad parts
Paint the dead ends to life.

My father told me it wasn’t an option,
They don't make enough to be successful
They’re only enough when they’re dead.
I was just a clay model of him to shape now

Its exam year,
Piles of stress where he should have been filled with love.
A’s carved into skin.
Arguments about a single B

70% only a pass he would argue,
That was an A,
It was always an A,
One B in a hill of A’s to him is a fail

Not good enough,
I'm not going back.
I don’t want to see the disappointment
Leak through the cracks of the thin shell of love he wears for me.

He barely knows me,
He’s not a real dad, he was discouragement personified.
He doesn’t deserve to know me.
Yet he still believes our relationship is normal.

Yet when I was in so much pain, he failed to notice,
He failed to listen,
Instead listened in to my conversations,with the therapist he got
As a replacement for him.

He’ll call my mum names,
Say she's horrible.
If all that true then let it be,
At least she will comfort me and not give a lecture


Does a father call his daughter a bitch,
Does a father swear at his daughter when she messes up,
Does a father convince his daughter its all her fault
Does a father not comfort his family,
Does a father not come home on his daughters birthday for 7 years
Does a father think his daughter lying when she opens up about cutting
Does a father care

Looking back,
He forced me to grow up.
Told me I needed to be strong,
When I just needed
A dad