1.

It's A Fact

If you stroke a cat about 1,000,000 times, you will
generate enough electricity to light up the largest
American Flag in the world for about one minute.

2.

Turnabout

In former times people who committed adultery
got stoned;
Nowadays it's just a crashing bringdown.

3.

A Mongolian Sausage

By definition: a long stocking: you fill it full of shit,
and then you punch holes in it. Then you swing it over
your head in circles until everybody goes home.