Nathaniel Phillips

March 7, 1989 - Colorado
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Never Ending War Story

Am I lost for words or just tired of rehearsing my heart for your walls
When fair weather affections find you in the trenches of your cowardice
I’m not your enemy but you associate former joys with your demons
Making mistakes of miracles, am I the breed of love or regret?

God forbid I tell the truth as I see it
When you provoke my reminiscent heartache on the other side of silence
I don’t want to haunt you with your sins but you lock me out and all I’m left with is abandon
I speak to a void of eyes divided in full view of a nameless audience

Relatability finds me here, when my letters echo cries of mutual brokenness
One man’s masterpiece of sadness is another’s will to avoid conflict and grief
Are we beyond resolve on the other side of a disagreement?
How do I bridge the chasm of this dichotomy?

When you’re alive but still play dead to me
Writing mantras of this tabloid poetry of these scars exploited
As we treat our wounds as sacred
You’re never the monster as long as you cleave to the narrative of blame

Tell me who’s the better man or just the better victim
When you’re self exonerated on the premise of your will to justify your treason of love
I can’t cast a stone and not come in contact with the mirror
There are no innocent bystanders caught in the cross fire of these inner wars we wage

If you could learn to love me could you find it in your heart to learn how to love yourself
While I stand as a reminder of the reality you refuse to accept
When the only way to heal is bleed
Let’s call it what it is and move on

I’m too honest when it all hits too close to broken home for comfort
I guess you win, I hope it’s worth it in the end
We are all of us fallible but not everyone’s sins are in the limelight
At the mercy of this public ridicule

We stand the test of a blind firing squad
Every gavel is coated in the blood of another judge red handed
Pride as vain as our bloodstained legacies
With every generation we give birth to the offspring of a hand me down war story

The only thing that hurts worse than friendly fire is family fire
I can’t cross a bridge singed to the point of ashes beyond salvaging
When the balls in your court I leave well enough alone
When your heart is a lost cause that’ll never beat for me again…
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