Nathaniel Phillips

March 7, 1989 - Colorado
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Estranged

Lost for knowing what to say
As I pause and reflect on you
When honesty is my mantra
But the reality lands somewhere between our lies and what is true

You tell me what to think or believe about this
When it’s all the past and it’s said and done
While I linger in the ache and you keep me there with your rejection

Trying to untangle my heart strings and decipher what I feel
Till it echoes what I need to say and comes to terms with what is real

Lost for closures for these wounds that reopen
I reach out but you just shut me down
As I speak to the echoes of undead memory and it never makes a sound

Disconnects of disoriented facts skewed to favor self perspective
I can’t solve the mystery of you when you’re a head case and I’m not a detective

Biases of emotion based arguments when it all goes to trial
Jury of our consciences consider pleas of the defiled

Our judgments are broken when how I feel about myself is a reflection of you
In the distaste of these fleshly impulses that trigger the unfaithful things we do

Lineage of this adulterated seed
Any stone cast at you hits me and we bleed

Oh for the ways we are different and the same
While I seek for penance but you’re stuck in your own game

Remorseless or so it would seem
When love is forged from the ashes of someone else’s dream

All that I can do is let it go and agree to disagree
Praying one day we could reconcile and when I tell you that I love you, you might actually love me…
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